Trauma Blogging

ehasI’ve realized lately I’m kind of a Trauma Blogger. When things in my life are smooth, I get writer’s block, but when I’m upset, I find comfort in putting my thoughts down in writing. Hence, I call it trauma blogging.

It says something about how well life has been smoothing out for me these last few years when you notice I went from writing hundreds of posts a year to just a few handfuls. I’ve been thinking lately, maybe it is just time to close down this blog. I mean, after all, I’m happy, and wisdom doesn’t tend to ride on the wings of contentment. Wisdom always rides piggyback with tears, sorrow, and grief. And what’s the point of writing if you aren’t sharing wisdom you’ve garnered along this journey we call life?

On top of that reason, I’ve noticed lately I haven’t wanted to share as bird 1much publicly about my thoughts. As I’ve delved a little deeper in relationships with new friends, I find myself less willing to expose their troubles. I mean, I have been navigating new waters about stuff that is going on in other people’s lives, and I am truly interested in why we feel the way we feel about certain things, but their issues are private, and I can’t expose them. It’s a new thing for me. It was one thing to blog about the end of my marriage, or the motorcycle club, or parenting. I was a primary player in those stories. But I’m sidelined right now, merely a spectator, and their stories aren’t mine to tell.

sad2016 sucked for most of us, but for me less, I think. When I stroll through the posts I wrote in 2012, 2013, and 2014, it is easy to recall the pain, tears, and grief I was experiencing, and that is all it takes for me to appreciate how rather uneventful 2016 was in comparison. My trend has been going upward.

I’m not going to close down this blog, but instead, I am going to try to learn to write well without trauma. I do love to write, but I’m uninterested in living in chaos and destruction in order to do so. I imagine it will take me some time to get this down, but For DonaldI’m willing to give it a shot. In the meantime, I want to thank all of my blogging friends for staying with me on this adventure all these years. Hopefully, I can find my old sense of humor and interest in the world around me I once had when I first started this thing.

~ Bird


My Job Seeking Dilemma


woman_standing_construction_site_pc_1600_clr_7940It’s been obvious to some of you that I have been going through some hard stuff lately. I decided this morning, I’m finished protecting those who don’t deserve protection, and I’m going to just lay out my problem honestly, and let the chips fall where they may. I need this off my soul, and this is how I’m going to start that process.

Brace yourselves. 🙂

Over the twenty or so years that I’ve been in the work force, I have come to understand all the unspoken rules of gaining employment. I’m not talking about the actual laws governing it, but instead the accepted understandings of what a job seeker can or cannot say or do if they hope to gain a new position in a company. We profess that no person can be discriminated against because of their race, religion, gender, etc., but we recruiters know, that is pretty much a bunch of crap. The key is, find a legal way to not hire them, even if it isn’t the real reason.

Just so you know, I don’t do that. Ever.

Blue Collar JobsI’ve worked at places where that law is very, very much taken seriously. Take Stand-By Personnel, for instance. This company absolutely does not discriminate in any way against people. It is the one set of people I must say without a doubt, I’ve never seen be snarky or judgmental towards a person coming in looking for a job, no matter what.

Another company was Moylan Staffing. Because of Kim, my HR Director, that company operated above reproach in all of its hiringmoylan practices. Both of these companies cared more about putting people to work than making another dollar for themselves, and to prove it, if someone didn’t qualify for Moylan they would be sent to apply at Stand-By, and vice versa. The owners of the companies don’t know each other, or anything like that. They just both want to find people jobs. Period.

It is always refreshing when people’s lives are part of the concern for finding them a job, not just a vehicle for making someone a buck. Even though I no longer live in Tulsa, I still root for these companies to make it, and whenever I can, I still direct my friends and family in that area in those directions whenever they find themselves in need of a job.

moneyBut recently, I found myself working for a company that did not put the needs of other people before themselves. I won’t use their name here, but it wouldn’t be all that hard to figure out who I’m talking about.

I found myself mired in a pit of sexual harassment towards young, pretty girls, unwarranted arrogance in a very lazy group of men in top management, bold-faced lying, legal disputes, and frankly, bullying.

I watched a high up executive flounce his authority by rewarding young Bullying_Sexualfemale employees based on their unprofessional, sexy attire and flirting; he didn’t even bother to try to hide his crude comments about one particular young woman. The girl was a butt of a lot of jokes, but his protection afforded her several instances of lenience in absenteeism, mistakes in work, and missed deadlines, not to mention her pay scale, which was much more than others with more time in, more experience, and more dependability.bully-655660_960_720

I was witness to another manager lie about things said in meetings when the backlash on himself was unexpected and unpopular. He would just pretend he didn’t remember saying that! To make it worse, he then made up slanderous rumors to discredit those who had heard him make these promises and statements, in order to invalidate anything they might say. He told people, behind my back, that I was a drug addict. Never once was I sent to the ONSITE lab for testing. He told this to anyone who would listen AFTER I was gone. That’s so high school!! I was never once under the influence of any sort of drug, and sadly, that was the only excuse they could come up with after I was fired for a made up reason. My work had been exemplary.

I was told directly that despite knowing a situation between a department head and her inferior had disintegrated into pure bullying, which he privately agreed with me is what had happened,  they would get rid of the person being bullied before they would ever do anything about the woman bullying because frankly, she was more valuable to them. They’d proved that already with a woman who had had a breakdown a few months into my employment with them. He told me the Bully had negotiated a good benefits package for them.

Really?! Clearly, he had no idea just how easy that is to do.

I watched a woman in my department who had been bullied for so long finally crack, have asad-woman nervous breakdown, and was then fired while on workman’s comp when she hired an attorney.

During an investigation into that woman’s allegations, I made the mistake of telling the truth. This labeled me disloyal to the company, and I became a liability. Honesty is only useful when it benefits the person who has nothing to hide.

To me, the situation wasn’t all that hard to comprehend. A department head had been given her promotion without any real supervisory Angry_womanexperience, and once in it, she had gone crazy with power. Add in that she didn’t actually know how most of the positions performed by those under her management worked, she often was giving instructions that either didn’t make sense, or weren’t a legal way to handle something. I mean, really. You can’t fire people on worker’s comp!

I tried for months to just do my job, but no matter how well I did it, she would make up ways to sabotage me. She hid work in the back of my desk Pillory_9105377drawers; she gave me notes on how to run a report, and when her notes were wrong, and the report came out wrong, she wrote me up. Her favorite technique was humiliation, and instead of addressing perceived mistakes privately, she would bellow them out to the entire office standing at your cubicle. To say I was working in hell would be an understatement.

fire-1311163_960_720I took my concerns to management many, many times, but of course, I was told, she was much too valuable an employee to get rid of, so I could either shut up and take it, or quit. And since I couldn’t quit because I needed the money, I tried just taking it.

The whole situation was causing real health problems for me. I never knew what fresh hell she would have planned for me for each day, and as such, I started having panic attacks from holding in my temper. Everyone who knows me, knows. I do have a temper. But, I’m kind of proud to say, I held it for a really, really long time.

Finally, I lodged a complaint outside of our company with the EEOC Eeoc_logo2commission. The very day I did this, I was fired under made up circumstances. She did this via text message at 9pm in the evening when I was at home. That’s what kind of professional I was dealing with.

hammer-719061_960_720I contacted some great attorneys, and wouldn’t you know it! You are legally allowed to bully and lie about your inferiors as long as they can’t prove it was happening for any of the specific reasons that are illegal – age, race, religion, gender, etc.

I’ve always been a hard working employee. I’m smart, loyal, personable, organized, dependable, etc. I got compliment after compliment for being able to find and hire good applicants and fill up the deficit they had had so long.

But I have this one discharge on my employment record because of a vindictive, dishonest woman, and her managers who don’t want to admit they made a mistake in promoting this kind of personality over other people, and that is what I get judged by. It is disheartening.

The unspoken rules of employment are that you must have a clean background, must never have been fired except for lay-off’s, never bad-mouth previous employers, and have good references from all of them. There’s no way I can explain any of this to a prospective employer without looking like a troublemaker, even when I clearly never was one.

How does one do that when they find that they’ve worked for people so dishonest, unprofessional, and vindictive?

workers-659885_960_720I have never been swayed much what a person writes down on their resume or application. I always listen to any story a prospective employee has to tell me about why they have been fired, and on occasion, I do look into the reputation of the company they were terminated from, even if it is only their Google or Facebook reviews.

I hope other people with the power to help people find jobs will do the same. Use your common sense. If an applicant worked for years with companies and had good references, should one bad one ever outweigh those without us questioning why?

As for the company who runs itself in such a dishonest and disreputable way, I know one thing for sure. When you make this kind of the environment for your employees, you don’t attract good workers. You may have them briefly, but unless they can maintain themselves in such a conscience searing way, they will never stay. And I am one of the people in this world that believes, what goes around, comes around. I forgive you…if only so it frees the Lord to do with you as He sees fit.

In the meantime, I believe God got me out of there in just the nick of time. He has protected me minutes from His anger before, and I feel like He is doing that for me once again. I believe that He hasn’t forgotten me, and He has something for me to do that will bring help to people, like I did for Stand-By and for Moylan.  I plan on keeping my eyes centered toward the Lord, from whence my help comes.

~ Bird