Why Drug Dealers Don’t Accept Checks

nsf_background(1)I don’t really write about it much but my father has been in trouble with the law a few times in his life. Now, for me, that means just about nothing whatsoever. I find people who have a good story to tell so much more interesting than those who have the same kind of status-quo life. But I don’t want him held up to people’s judgments so I keep his mistakes private. However, I got permission for this one. It made me laugh my butt off. Thanks, Dad!!

Dad: “One of the times I got arrested, the judge made me take all these different kinds of classes, and one of them — the stress management one, I think – was filled with about a dozen elderly women and me and this one other guy who also had a drug charge. So, we had to each tell the group what we had done to get arrested. The first woman stands up and says “I wrote a $7 check to Walmart that bounced.” Then the next one, ” I wrote a bad check for $9 to Target.” Then the third. Same thing. Wrote a bad check for a small amount of money.Turns out, all the women in the group were all in trouble for writing bad checks. When it got to me, I said, ‘I got caught with 6 ounces of methamphetamine.’ The entire group of women gasped in unison. Completely horrified by my crime. ‘Don’t worry though,’ I told them. ‘I didn’t write a check for it.'”

God. I really love my dad. 🙂

~ Bird

A Message For My Brother, Michael

siblingsSo, this week, my brother wrote An Open Letter to My Now Ex-Wife on his blog, Cheshpo.com. It was super beautiful, poignant, and for me, glaring proof that even his divorce was classier than my whole marriage was. 🙂

My brother and I each had long marriages, about 20 years, and there is an extra layer of grief that goes with losing someone you’ve spent so much time with. It was something in common I wish we didn’t have.

Recently, during a conversation with my father, I told him the one cool thing about my break-up was just how it had all the elements of the best soap operas — affairs, addictions, motorcycle clubs, crime-ridden ghetto living, public blogs, homelessness, and so much more. It even had a kick-ass soundtrack, thanks to Youtube. I guess if you have to go through something so awful, having a crazy story to tell about it helps.

I know Michael needs some space to heal right now. However, in a few years, we are definitely going to play the My Break-Up Sucked Worse Than Yours, And Here’s Why game because we are still competitive siblings who like to win at everything we do, even tasteless stuff like this.  🙂

Seriously, though, Mike. We are thinking of you here in the most dangerous city in America, and we hope you are doing well. We love you.

~ Bird