Nursing Home Romances and Critics Who Wear Hijabs

oldhandsinlove-b102366ee923ca3e0ed6fc7e2bfd09627ca0b226-s300-c85Life has been cracking me up a little bit lately.

First, my sister Alexa called to tell me our mother, who as been in a nursing home since a massive stroke a decade ago, found herself a boyfriend. It was the last thing I would ever have expected to hear about Mom. On top of that, he’s the resident bad boy.

For several weeks over the summer, Alexa was out of the country at a family wedding. In those few short weeks, Mom fell in love with another wheelchair bound man, snuck a cigarette with him inside the nursing home, met for movie time at unscheduled hours late at night, and has totally become like a sneaky teenaged girl. Alexa has one kid, and it’s a preteen boy. She started off the conversation by telling me my mother was out of control. It was hilarious. Mom eats her meals with him in the dining hall, and holds hands with him while they watch tv. Personally, I find the whole affair adorable, and surprisingly, hopeful. I have always wondered about Mom’s quality of life in a place like that. Now, I feel a bit better about it.

Rebekkah, my daughter, has found her stride at the University of Texas. Her best homie is a girl we’ll call Athena, and she wears a hijab. I had no idea what that was until today.

Behold, a hijab:


If you guys weren’t aware, Austin just loves its food trucks. You can’t throw a rock without hitting one around here, and they congregate en masse around UT. Athena, a Middle East native, chose to eat a falafel —  defined as a  deep-fried ball or patty made from ground chickpeas,fava beans, or both — and found it unauthentic and poorly textured. She and Rebekkah had a small discussion about the dissatisfying falafel, and the matter was quickly forgotten about …by Rebekkah. A few days later, though, Athena told Rebekkah that she had gone on Yelp and reviewed the Mediterranean Food Truck.

“I gave it 3 stars, ” she told Bek, going on to read her review aloud, ” ‘I ordered a falafel but the texture was all wrong. It’s supposed to be crunchy on the outside, moist on the inside. My friend ordered the <insert whatever weird food Bekkie told me she ate here>. She said it was good, but I doubt it.”

The harshness of the review surprised Rebekkah because, of course, people who wear hijabs aren’t harsh or leave Yelp reviews.

“Sometimes,” Athena said, ” I like to play the critic.”

Alexa went to Morocco over the summer. Turns out, she wasn’t prepared for the heat. She told me it gets to be 120 degrees over there, and there weren’t any air conditioners where she was. I won’t go into the many hilarious things she told me, except when she and her husband finally got to a hotel where there was air conditioning, she asked the front desk if they’d bring her a fan. We like the air to be moving around us.

When they finally arrived with her fan, this is what they brought her:


It’s been kind of fun around here lately.

I’m happy tonight.

~ Bird

Now For Some Real Excitement…


Sorry I have missed a few days of posting, but life has settled into a little routine for me now, and without all the drama to talk about, sometimes it is hard to know what to

Please note: Fish net stockings, short skirt, and a NY accent. 🙂

write that would be interesting for you guys.

Today, I want to talk about living in a hotel. Of course, everyone knows I want my own home, and happily, I will be leaving the hotel soon. I found a place to stay that is safe, clean, and most importantly, unknown to anyone but me and my closest friends! 🙂

But yesterday, I felt a little sad about leaving my hotel home. I’ve made friends with a lot of the staff here, and it will feel odd not to see them every day. Plus, they make me breakfast every morning…lol! They call it a continental breakfast, but I have a feeling they prepare it just for me. I guess I’ll have to go back to making my own coffee every morning. Bummer.

Last night, I went to the stockyards and watched a horse sale. I’ve always been interested in the cowboy culture and it was pretty fun to watch the horses. I kind of want a horse, but I know they are expensive, so that is just one of the things I’m going to add to my bucket list that Ivonne has talked me into creating.

As I was coming back in, one of the employees at the hotel who we will call Kayla, motioned me over and told me that 4 police officers with bullet proof vests on had gone upstairs to my floor and to call her and tell her what was going on. I hurried upstairs, hoping they weren’t here for me..  🙂 … and as I stepped off the elevator, there was no one in sight.  So, I called Kayla to tell her nothing was going on that I could see.

Later, she came upstairs to my room, and told me the whole story. Turns out, the room right next door was being used for prostitution!! Talk about being unaware of your

Probably not a hooker, but can we really tell anymore? This picture makes me never want to run into this woman in a dark alley.

surroundings! I had no clue! I would just say good morning to the lady that would come out and get coffee each morning! I guess I figured prostitutes only wear fish net stockings and bodice blouses, smack gum, and all talk with a New York accent. LOL!

The hotel I’m staying at is one of most reputable places in town, and of course, don’t condone these kinds of activities in their establishment. But if the prostitutes in Tulsa are going to wear normal clothes and have the same southern accents all the rest of us do, they are going to be fighting a losing battle!!

Ya’ll have a good day, now, ya hear? LOL!!!! (Proof that I’m not a hooker.)

– Catherine