How Important Is Sin When You Love Someone?

In order to clearly show my heart on the matter of homosexuality, I would like to write this post specifically to pinkagendist, Daniel Postlewaite, and John the Aussie. It is my hope that you will see that I don’t rank any sins that people grapple with above others…sin is sin, yet that isn’t what God is interested in. Yes, sin is evil. But He could have rid the world of all sin by just destroying all of it, and us with it. It is God’s love for us that is important, and was the reason He sent His son to die. To restore us back to our God, and to free us from the chains that sin places us in.

When my kids were in high school, my stepdaughter Brenda (not her real name) showed up in the middle of the

My Children

night with her high school aged brother and sister. We lived in Tulsa, and Brenda, Cole and Charity were all from central Texas. I hadn’t heard from Brenda in years, knowing that she had gotten pretty heavy into drugs and was learning some pretty hard lessons in life. It had been even longer since I’d seen Cole and Charity, who were the children of Brenda’s mother from a different father.

Brenda was beside herself, tumbling out this horrific story about the abuse and neglect that Cole and Charity had been suffering at numerous relatives hands. I explained to her that I couldn’t harbor run-aways but she was inconsolable, and I told her I would figure out what to do in the morning. Going to bed, I was freaked out. I couldn’t return them to being abused, but I didn’t know how much trouble I would be in for them being at my house. I prayed, hoping God would give me an answer by morning.

The next morning, Brenda was gone. Some time in the night she had split, leaving the two teenagers behind. After discussing options with the two teens, I finally called their father, who informed me that he didn’t want them back. “Just keep them,” were his careless words. What a winner.

Both of them had dropped out of school in the 7th grade, and it had been years since they had gone to school. And without the proper paperwork, I wasn’t going to be able to get them enrolled in school. Add to that fact was that they were both in terrible health. Their mom had abused drugs consistently when they were in vitro, and both had been born addicted to meth, cocaine, and other substances. Their immune systems were trashed. Cole’s bones were brittle, and a spill on a skateboard that should have been nothing left him with a broken arm. The whole experience made me furious at their parents.

But even worse than their physical health was the emotional scars that were devastatingly familiar to me. Ask any child who has been molested, and we will tell you..we recognize each other..Both of them had been severely molested, and I spent a lot of time listening to these children as they cried for their childhood that had been lost to them. Trust, stability, and security had been annihilated for them.  Especially Cole, who I could already tell, was so hurt and obviously leaning more toward the homosexuality that he’d been introduced to at such a young age. I spent more time listening and comforting, and less preaching…God wasn’t interested in me getting Cole to not be a homosexual. He was interested in me showing Cole that there was someone who cared about him, no matter what, and I never once addressed his sins with him. It wasn’t the time. God didn’t just want Cole to stop sinning..God wanted to love Cole, and the sins were secondary and could be addressed later in his life. What mattered was Cole, not what he was doing.

About three months later, the father decided he did want them back after all, and he drove to Tulsa to pick them up. They both cried, not wanting to leave, but the law was with their parents, and I had to reluctantly give them back. My whole family cried, including Chef, because they had come to belong with us.

Years later, while on a run with one of the most notoriously badass motorcycle clubs in the world, Chef and some of the other bikers he was travelling with stopped at a diner one night, and Cole was there working. Cole, obviously a homosexual that had come out, was so excited to see Chef, and Chef, equally excited to see him,  gave him a big hug and introduced him to all the grizzled bikers he was with,  as his and my son. And those bikers treated Cole respectfully and kindly, even though homosexuality is not embraced in the 1%er biker culture. There were no judgments, no sneering, no anything, but respect. He was part of our family, and no one had better have a thing to say about him…Because we love Cole as a whole person. He isn’t a poster boy for homosexuality…he’s a full, three dimensional hurting boy who needed us to love him no matter what. And we do just that.

If Cole were to suddenly show up on my doorstep wanting to know about God, my first words and actions would have absolutely nothing to do with his homosexuality. His sins aren’t what I, or God, would care about first. I would only show him every single verse in the bible that talks about how much God loves him. I would show him how God wants to heal the broken parts of his heart, and how we can trust God when there doesn’t seem to be another person in the world we can count on. There would be plenty for me, and for God, to show Cole before any of his sins would need to be addressed.

Christianity isn’t about a bunch of rules to me. It is about a relationship that heals and restores us to what we should have been before sin was introduced to the world. Yes, sins need to be addressed, but that really is between Jesus and his child.

Knowing what my past did to me, and what Cole and Charity’s pasts did to them, I’m loathe to rant and rail about how much someone else is struggling with. Instead, I tend to assume that there is a very real, painful reason that this sin is so hard for them, and I can pray about them getting the healing they need…

I hope this story shows that my heart isn’t against any one, no matter what they are struggling with. I judge NO ONE by what sins they struggle with…

— Bird

Judging the Fruit of Individual Trees


So, after I did the minimum amount of housework required of me today, I began reading other people’s blogs, and I ran across one about the Westboro Baptist Church. I feel sorry for everyone who lives in Westboro, or is Baptist, and frankly, goes to church. Talk about poisoning the water!! I hate that satan has achieved such a useful tool in this group. And I feel sorrier for some murderers than I do for leaders of this garbage movement.

Vile! This fruit is rotten, and the tree should be avoided.

Here is the link to these people’s site: The blog I read was a rant against these people specifically, and Christianity in general. And frankly, I have mixed feelings about that.

On the one hand, I don’t want WBC to represent my God. Matthew 7:13 – 23:

13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

There are going to be a ton of people running around calling themselves Christians. But, if you look at the fruit, you can pretty much tell if the tree is good or if it is bad. I don’t think it is rocket science. And, I refuse to decide who is going to heaven and who is going to hell. It isn’t my business, and frankly, I would never be able to have all the information necessary to make a call that. I can’t read people’s hearts or understand their motivations. Therefore, I am ill-equipped. But I do get offended when the bad trees make work harder for the trees trying to fulfill their purpose here on earth.

Still, people will use just about anything to justify their own beliefs. Any person, Christian or otherwise, if they are honest with themselves, will admit that. Me, included. It is one of those things that I pay close attention to in myself — am I justifying bad behavior? In this case, no. I’m going to defend my beliefs.

I don’t “group judge” people, and I get kind of annoyed when other people lump me in with this particular church.  If someone were to approach God from a thoroughly scientific approach, then a viable case can be made either for Him or against Him. But do the research first…don’t pick a group to hate and decide they represent all the others because they are a convenient visual tool. Especially that group — too easy.

In return, I’ll be the first to say, Oh Please. God does NOT hate fags. God hates sin. He does not hate people. And people struggling in sin aren’t ranked by the sins they are battling against. Can people twist the Bible so that their sin is no longer a sin? No. But then again, the “real” Christians struggling with this particular sin already know that, and they don’t need me grading their performance. My life simply wouldn’t hold up to the scrutiny.

And one other thing, I don’t find that Jesus said that He was bringing peace. He said He was bringing a sword. We are in a war against satan and his legions, but we aren’t at war with our fellow mankind.

— Bird

I’m going to add this little update because I feel that my post was maybe a bit harsh. I learned a long time ago that even though my nature is that of a peacemaker, peace should never be my goal in and of itself. For instance, not disciplining my headstrong teenager because it will cause tension, anger, and possibly yelling is not achieving true peace. I personally don’t find it attractive when people blast Christians to their faces and those same Christians either laugh nervously and change the subject, or even worse, walk away with some arrogant statement about seeing them in hell. These behaviors would appall me if the roles had been reversed. I know that God has created a love in me for mankind in general, but He’s also planted a soldier’s no-nonsense approach to things as well. Well, according to my husband, I see things a little too simplistically…but it is what it is. I have absolutely no problem separating out the sin a man commits from who the man is personally. But I will probably always call a spade a spade. Nor am I offended by differing opinions. I think we all have lessons to learn from one another. I appreciate Pixiemumbles for clarifying her position. I will definitely read what she has to say because I respect a person who stands up for what they believe in, even if it isn’t necessarily the same belief as mine.. 🙂