Some Great Facebook Status Updates

Funny-Pictures-On-FacebookPoor Facebook. I give it my fair share of he!!, but in all honesty, I get way more giggles out of it than anything negative. I unfriended the guy I was having a disagreement with, simply because if a debate is going to turn mean-spirited, it’s not worth the hassle. I can roll around in the dirt, same as anybody, but I never feel good about being drawn into a pissing contest. So, I extracted myself quite neatly from the conversation.

Because I’m in a good mood, I thought I’d share some of my very favorite Facebook statuses. Enjoy!!

 

 

  • First rule of Chess Club: Hide from Fight Club.

 

  • My most judgemental moments are when I’m standing behind someone in a buffet line.

 

  • For all those people who go rock climbing: You know you don’t have to, right?

 

  • She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly, she’s really just gathering evidence.

 

  • I’m not a doctor, but I play one on EHarmony.

 

  • Gym Update: Not There

 

  • 5 years ago, I asked the woman of my dreams out on a date; today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.

 

  • I’m so relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $2.56 in my checking account.

 

  • I enjoy shopping online because at least I don’t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.

 

  • When I finish eating something, I have to show my hands to my dogs like I’m a blackjack dealer…

 

  • People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.

 

  • Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.

 

  • If Coca-Cola really cared about the obesity problem, they’d put cocaine back in their recipe.

 

  • Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance…the 5 stages of waking up.

Week No. 4 in Texas – Stuff w/o Rhyme or Reason, Kinda Like My Life

I have just a random assortment of stuff to tell you guys. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. It’s just stuff.

Stuff No. 1: Red & I are planning to hang curtains up in her kitchen so the neighbors can’t see in our house at night. I went to the trouble of taking a picture of our nearest neighbor so I could share it with you. I put a yellow arrow just so you would see clearly what a problem this is for us. Here it is.

Red is probably one of my favorite human beings on earth right now. She makes me laugh without even trying. I don't even know if that is the neighbor's lights or the moon.
Red is probably one of my favorite human beings on earth right now. She makes me laugh without even trying. I don’t even know if that is the neighbor’s lights or the moon.

Stuff No. 2: I’ve started recruiting bus drivers to drive all about the city of Austin for Capital Metro. Here’s my badge…. Does anything ever really make you feel more legitimate than a fancy badge with your FULL name on it, your picture, and the ability to get into locked doors?

Bonafide
Bonafide

Stuff No. 3: Yesterday was National Dog Day. Red bought Sparrow and Oliver bags of bones, huge boxes of doggy biscuits, some expensive rope toys, and a bag of dog food that weighs more than my car. Turns out, she had no idea there was a day honoring dogs. She was just loading up on stuff for them out of pure love. Don’t you just adore her???!! I know Sparrow and Oliver do. Of course, there was bribery involved.

Sparrow & Oliver taken yesterday. I had to wave my bowl of delicious spaghetti in their faces to get them to look in the same direction for 2 second. Ignore my messy room. I can feel you judging me. Stop it!!
Sparrow & Oliver taken yesterday. I had to wave my bowl of delicious spaghetti in their faces to get them to look in the same direction for 2 seconds. Ignore my messy room. I can feel you judging me. Stop it!!

Stuff No. 4: I can’t believe the attention the Ashley Madison hacking story is getting. I can’t help be be entertained by the whole dramatics of a bunch of liars and cheaters crying fowl. So, to end this post, I will include some hilarious stuff about it I found on the internet. Enjoy!! 🙂

ashley-madison-hack-twitter-13

infidelity-adultery-ashley-madison-sql-injection-security-blackmail

Ashley Madison Joke

spouse-impressed-ashley-madison-funny-ecard-bkU

Have a great day!!! ~ Bird