Impossible Choices

If I’m being really honest, I would have to say that the last 5 years of my life have been really smooth. Like every life on earth, there has been ups and downs, but overall things have been good… which is why I’m suddenly faced with an almost impossible situation that could threaten all of it.

My eldest daughter, Rebekkah, married a young man she met in college, and they live with their kids in China. To say I was not thrilled she was moving so far away is the understatement of the year, but she wanted to go and she has to live her life as she sees fit.

When Rebekkah had her first child, my grandson Ian, I traveled to China to spend time with her and the baby. I had a blast. It was a lot of travel time, but I work for man who believes in family and the extra time was approved and paid for. I left China, with plans to return the next year. Then the pandemic hit.

In the time that the coronavirus spread throughout the world, Rebekkah had another baby, Yili. Yili is now a year old, walking, and beginning to look less like a baby and more like a little girl. I’ve never gotten to hold my granddaughter.

I speak to my little Chinese family almost daily through WeChat, always hoping that soon travel restrictions would ease up so I could go back to visit.

And then the war came with Russian invading Ukraine. While that war seems so far away to me, for Rebekkah, it is in her backyard, and she is begging me to come to China before I get stuck away from her again. It’s an excruciating choice, as I feel the same panic she does, but I have children who live here in the US as well.

My son lives in Colorado and my other daughter lives in Montana, and though DJ has a chronic illness, he seems happier living on a farm, going to rock exhibits, and finally being on his own. Caitie has always been crazy independent, and I don’t see that changing. The truth is, Rebekkah is the one who needs me.

So now I’m faced with the dilemma. Do I take a leave of absence or do I resign? What happens to my other kids if I do get stuck in China? What happens to Rebekkah if I get stuck here? What impossible choices!!!

I’m praying and asking God to show me what to do. It’s a very hard decision.

~ Bird

3 responses to “Impossible Choices”

  1. I am assuming there is no way that Rebekkah and her husband will be able to leave China to go to the States… Only my thoughts Catherine. There are so many variables here that I hesitate to think you would go to China at this time and in a rushed and pressure filled way. As much as you love your daughter and wish to see her… I think it time to take a few moments and ‘breathe’ . The decision you make should not be in such a rushed manner… just my thinking Catherine….. I’ll pray! … Diane xx

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  2. p.s. Believe it or not ‘you’ have to think of ‘you’ as well as others. It’s not selfish… Your daughter made the decision to go to China but you didn’t .. not permanently .. just for possible visits. Your job and making a living has to be also factored in. Your life is important too! xx

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