My Thoughts on Being a Loving & Caring Person

bird2So, this weekend was Valentine’s Day. No. I wasn’t sad. I was, however, ….reflective.

In all parts of my life, I’m healing. Financially, I’m set. I’ve been putting things up in my apartment, settling in. I see my father about once a week. Yesterday, he brought my a sweet little cake for the holiday, and took me out to eat. Mentally and emotionally, I’m peaceful. At work, I’m happy. Things are going well.

But when it comes to love, I’m just so far from being okay, it isn’t even funny. I don’t give myself much of a hard time about this anymore. I obviously am capable of loving someone. I just am not interested in that kind of relationship these days.

A person asked me a few days ago if I consider myself a loving and caring person. He was trolling the internet for a woman, so his question was infinitely inappropriate, and I didn’t bother answering him, but the question stuck. Am I loving? Am I caring? Hmm. I don’t really know if those are the phrases I could use to describe myself. Not anymore.

His question would surface occasionally throughout my whole weekend, until finally, yesterday, I answered it. The truth is, I am a loving person...if I love you. I am a caring person…if I sad girl 2care about you. On the whole, I’m kind. I’m gentle. I’m polite. But these are surface things I am with everyone I interact with. If you want something deeper from me, it takes time and work. I am hard to get close to. I don’t do that on purpose. It is second nature, and it wasn’t my horrible break-up that made me that way. I’ve always been somewhat reserved when it comes to people I don’t know. I’m quiet, unless I am comfortable with you. People’s opinions matter only on the sliding scale of how much I respect that person. The trolling guy was annoyed by his inability to get me to act like a silly school girl, and that only made me chuckle a little. I didn’t care that he had decided to reject me. I’d already rejected him.

People are infinitely complicated, but can one truly be loving towards people we don’t love? Can we be caring towards people we don’t care about? I don’t think that is possible, do you?

The truth is, I’m okay with how I am right now. There’s always room for improvement, and I will always strive to be a little better today than I was yesterday. But more importantly, I want to be an honest person. I want to understand my weaknesses as well as my strengths. I want to be someone people trust when they need to know the truth. To me, that outranks being known as a caring and loving person.

That’s my thoughts on this matter.

~ Bird

9 responses to “My Thoughts on Being a Loving & Caring Person”

  1. I love this more than words can express…and love you even more. I am so happy for you and all you’ve conquered in these short few years. You truly are a good woman and those you love are so blessed by you being in their lives…including me! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Truth be told, I think you’re on your own right trail. I’ve heard it said that it’s more important to be whole than it is to be good or bad. For what it’s worth, my experience has been that the rest (whatever that is) follows naturally and in its own time. Like RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the #$(( you gonna love somebody else?” I agree. Real love in all its forms sources from inside out. Kudos to you for not falling for the quid pro quo lines about our value being dependent on somebody elses determination RE: if we’re meeting their needs. It may not have felt like it but you’ve done me a random act of kindness today. Thank you. You rock!
    Dan in Chicago

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I thought about ‘caring and loving’ … my thoughts went to simply degrees of caring and loving. I can love and I can care.. but there is likely no comparison for example a friend or acquaintance.. and that of my children, grandchildren and close family. The bond and emotions are stronger and deeper…. just my thoughts .. Diane

    Liked by 1 person

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