The Forties’ Hope Scope

ehasOne of the real challenges I’m finding about being single in my forties is what to hope for. I know it sounds weird, but that has become a strange new focus for me. As children, we all had some idea of what we hoped we’d be when we grew up. Ballerinas, architects, doctors, fire-fighters, husbands, wives…we all hoped for something. In your twenties, you are busy. Your hopes shift a bit, become more tangible, and you spend a great deal of your time hoping for the everyday things in life — ten fingers and ten toes, rent money, a raise, a rose on Valentine’s Day. The thirties are filled again with the hopes of families, driver’s permits, high school football games, prom dates.

Forties, though. That has been tough. My kids are all out of the house now. They are each making their way in the world, caught firmly inhope the twenties’ hope scope. I never really wondered what this time of my life would look like alone. There was no reason to think Chef and I would not have each other to lean on as life shifted into a slower gear for us. For a while there, my life got busier. There was the grief of the failed marriage, the panic of financially getting back on my feet. the myriad of disastrous car problems, moving from Oklahoma to Texas, forging new relationships, and of course, my weird Dog Rescue period after Jake died. I’ve been…busy. But now, life has settled down to a more normal pace for a woman my age, and I find it…uncomfortable. I’ve finally relegated Chef and that break-up to the right shelf in my heart. I make plenty of money now, have a sweet home, new friends, and I’m down to only the two dogs like other normal people.  What should I hope for now?

love ceases to be a demonLike muscle memory, part of me wonders if I should be looking for love again. I don’t think so. Anytime I try, it takes me less than a minute to wonder what the hell I was thinking to try this crap again. Money? I’m not ambitious. Life has always been about making money to live, not living to make money. The Lord feels kind of far away right now. No, I’m not questioning my faith, nor do I believe He has deserted me.

No. I think He always tends to feel far away when I don’t desperately need His help for something. That sounds so horrible, but I feel like it’s true, about me anyways.

I don’t know what this lesson is about yet, but I feel like He is definitely trying to show me something here. In the meantime, I thank Him for providing for my needs, allowing me to have some of my wants, and for being patient with me while I figure out which is which. 🙂

~ Bird

10 responses to “The Forties’ Hope Scope”

  1. Bird, I wouldn’t normally dream of offering advice where it’s not wanted. But, I can’t help myself this time.Of course you should look for love or rather allow love to look for you. You’re still so young and by heck a very attractive woman men are going to want to ask you out, get to know you. Unless you’ve made a conscious decision to stay single or are hoping for a reconciliation with Chef, you should not deny yourself happiness in your future.I want you to find real happiness again.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    • That is so sweet of you to say. No, I’m not getting back together with Chef. We’d make each other miserable the way we’ve both changed. I’m finding these days, men don’t want to get to know you before they sleep with you. That isn’t going to happen with me, and it makes me gun-shy whenever someone asks me out.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I promise not all men are like that Bird. All men will admire you but there’s one out there who will love you. That brings respect so he’ll wait.
        If you were in my country I’d probably try myself but I doubt I could manage the bended knee these days.
        xxx Hugs Galore xxx

        Liked by 2 people

      • Being single in your 40’s in a nightmare roflmao..Dating is not like it used to 85% of it is done online..I mean the places that we go ya very seldom see single women lol..
        My online dating stories read like a bad comedy..from being stood up (ended up having a blast at the bar..folks felt sorry for me and bought me drinks) to having a great time only to be cussed out by his wife the next day, and my all time favorite..his mother was there the second date roflmao..
        Flash forward 4 years later and I’m ok..for me there are certain things I WILL NOT COMPROMISE..I don’t date married men, and one that tends to really piss folks off..if ya don’t have a bike then it really won’t work
        When you’re ready to take the plunge let me know lol

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I really like this. I think we are always redefining ourselves, wondering where we fit with our flaws and mistakes — and our successes. We all walk differently down those winding paths, all going the same direction, yet every trail is different. I am enjoying your walk down your own trail.

    Liked by 1 person

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