Some Great Facebook Status Updates

Poor Facebook. I give it my fair share of he!!, but in all honesty, I get way more giggles out of it than anything negative. I unfriended the guy I was having a disagreement with, simply because if a debate is going to turn mean-spirited, it’s not worth the hassle. I can roll around in the dirt, same as anybody, but I never feel good about being drawn into a pissing contest. So, I extracted myself quite neatly from the conversation.

Because I’m in a good mood, I thought I’d share some of my very favorite Facebook statuses. Enjoy!!

 

 

• First rule of Chess Club: Hide from Fight Club.

 

• My most judgemental moments are when I’m standing behind someone in a buffet line.

 

• For all those people who go rock climbing: You know you don’t have to, right?

 

• She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly, she’s really just gathering evidence.

 

• I’m not a doctor, but I play one on EHarmony.

 

• Gym Update: Not There

 

• 5 years ago, I asked the woman of my dreams out on a date; today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.

 

• I’m so relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $2.56 in my checking account.

 

• I enjoy shopping online because at least I don’t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.

 

• When I finish eating something, I have to show my hands to my dogs like I’m a blackjack dealer…

 

• People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.

 

• Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.

 

• If Coca-Cola really cared about the obesity problem, they’d put cocaine back in their recipe.

 

• Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance…the 5 stages of waking up.