Some Great Facebook Status Updates

Funny-Pictures-On-FacebookPoor Facebook. I give it my fair share of he!!, but in all honesty, I get way more giggles out of it than anything negative. I unfriended the guy I was having a disagreement with, simply because if a debate is going to turn mean-spirited, it’s not worth the hassle. I can roll around in the dirt, same as anybody, but I never feel good about being drawn into a pissing contest. So, I extracted myself quite neatly from the conversation.

Because I’m in a good mood, I thought I’d share some of my very favorite Facebook statuses. Enjoy!!



  • First rule of Chess Club: Hide from Fight Club.


  • My most judgemental moments are when I’m standing behind someone in a buffet line.


  • For all those people who go rock climbing: You know you don’t have to, right?


  • She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly, she’s really just gathering evidence.


  • I’m not a doctor, but I play one on EHarmony.


  • Gym Update: Not There


  • 5 years ago, I asked the woman of my dreams out on a date; today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.


  • I’m so relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $2.56 in my checking account.


  • I enjoy shopping online because at least I don’t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.


  • When I finish eating something, I have to show my hands to my dogs like I’m a blackjack dealer…


  • People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.


  • Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.


  • If Coca-Cola really cared about the obesity problem, they’d put cocaine back in their recipe.


  • Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance…the 5 stages of waking up.

11 responses to “Some Great Facebook Status Updates”

  1. Cee Wi says:

    Roflmao..I’m done with you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. joeharwell says:

    I don’t do dating sites, but I like this one. “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on EHarmony.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. davidprosser says:

    I often used to wonder why some people joined social sites if they only want to be antisocial.
    I love the statuses.
    xxx Huge Hugs Bird xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. KIA says:

    how about…
    “Can’t talk now, running late for my Procrastinators Anonymous meeting”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. KIA says:

    •Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance…the 5 stages of waking up.

    almost blew the red wine out my nose on that one.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. esorenneiluj25 says:

    I deactivated my Facebook account. But if those statuses are in my timeline, I would never think of deactivating it. haha. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Scarlett says:

    Awesome Bird, I needed this for personal reasons. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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