Oliver and Sparrow Visit the IRS

So, Saturday, Austin was getting rain….again. I always wake up really early, which on weekends, really plays in my favor. Living in an apartment complex, there is always a line for the washing machines, except in the wee hours of the morning on the weekends. I hook Oliver and Sparrow to their leashes, grab the laundry basket, and we make our way down the stairs and out to the laundry mat. I divvy up the laundry in various machines, get them running, and scoop up my basket and soap, and headed back to my apartment. The dogs, obviously still sleepy and unimpressed with yet another batch of rain, sat quietly waiting for me to finish.

Feeling kind of good about the start of my day, and because it is rainy and gross, I do something I never do…. I let both of my dogs off their nasty wet leashes so they can run up the stairs without killing all of us.

The problem was, they had other plans, and the minute they were free, they gave each other a look, and BAM!! They were gone. Just like that. I, of course, drop my empty laundry basket, running after them around the corner, and screeching their names, but in the split second for me to make it around, they weren’t in sight.

Now, to truly paint an accurate picture, you need to know that I sit almost directly by I-35, the busiest, nastiest highway in the state of Texas. The crossroad is equally busy, sporting easy access to a nearby Walmart and Home Depot. The chances my two idiot dogs are going to come out of this alive are slim. This isn’t Red Rock.

I walk around in the rain, calling their names, praying, and forcing myself to breathe so I wouldn’t really freak out. I walked

the apartment complex, the next door complex, a nearby motel parking lot, and finally got in my car and drove along I-35, hoping I wouldn’t see two dead dogs in the side of the road. Nothing.

Finally, I decide to go see if they have hopefully returned home. Nope.

I trudge into my apartment, unable to not see that almost everything I own has something to do with those two animals. I shoot up a quick, almost frantic prayer to God, when I catch a glimpse of two dogs out of my living room window, running like thoroughbred horses around the IRS compound that stands majestically, and completely fenced in, across the busy road. It sports nice little NO TRESPASS signs everywhere that include the words “Tire Spikes” and “Fullest Extent of the Law”. Turns out, in 2010, there was an attack on the IRS (See here.). They weren’t kidding around when they say, stay away from this area.

“Those little s**ts …….,” I say, but really I’m thinking, “Oh, thank God!”

I grab up their grubby leashes and bolt out of the door. I manage to make it across the busy road without getting hit. By now, it is pouring rain, and you can’t see much past a few feet ahead of you. I call their names, and luckily, they come straight towards me. Sparrow slipped through the bars easily, but fat Oliver had a little trouble. Suddenly, for no explicable reason, the automatic exit gate suddenly starts opening. No cars were coming, and as big as he is, Oliver shouldn’t be big enough to trigger the gate. I didn’t care. I snapped his leash on, and he joined the now subdued Sparrow, and we crossed the street and made it back home safely.

I will never do that again!!

~ Bird