My Dogs Are D**ks!!

As most of you know, I just very recently moved into my new apartment. It really has been so much fun. Yes, I’m starting over collecting household items, but I learned from before, that’s really not so bad. You get to build something new, unfamiliar, and exclusively designed for the chapter of your life you are in right now.

Unlike the first and second new starts after Chef and I split up, I started out this one with something super cool — a beautiful couch. It’s material was easily wiped down, the colors where from the autumn spectrum which is my favorite, and it really seemed designed to dissuade any dog chewing nonsense. Exodus had given it to me, and it had survived her huskies.

Here is a picture of the majestic couch:

Here is a picture of the couch on Day Two:

Let’s set aside everything I said and did the minute I saw that, and skip ahead to happier times. I immediately went out and bought kennels. When I came home that evening, Sparrow had demolished her brand new kennel. Oliver, being the good dog, had patiently waited for me to come home and let him out of his.

To say I am frustrated with Sparrow is an understatement. I love her, but enough already. Something has to change.

Well, as luck would have it, one of the four stations I get on tv Saturday, had the show Cesar the Dog Whisperer on it. Oh.My.Lord.

It is almost like the two hours of dog training advice were designed specifically for me. I learned so many things. For instance, I reward them constantly just because I love them. Turns out, now they think I’m pathetic and don’t respect me. I let them walk in front of me on the leash, which tells them I’m bringing up the rear in our pecking order. I don’t do enough to allow Sparrow to release all that crazy, pent-up energy. I depend entirely too much on what words I’m telling them, none of which they have a single clue mean something. They take all their cues from my body language, which lately, has been wound up pretty tight.

So, armed with all this awesome new knowledge, I set about this weekend promoting myself to the leader of our little pack. I’ll admit, I’m not quite there yet, but there seems to be a little improvement, especially with our walking on leashes. In fact, I even let Oliver off of his a bit because he stayed right next to me. The torrential flooding of Austin this weekend did curb most of my training efforts, and I know Sparrow is crazy wound up because we just couldn’t walk very long in the pouring rain.

I plan on going home at lunch and making sure the ghetto-rigging on Sparrow’s kennel is still holding, and take them out to go potty. I’m determined to get these little a******s in line!!!

I will NOT give up!!

~ Bird