My Dogs Are D**ks!!

As most of you know, I just very recently moved into my new apartment. It really has been so much fun. Yes, I’m starting over collecting household items, but I learned from before, that’s really not so bad. You get to build something new, unfamiliar, and exclusively designed for the chapter of your life you are in right now.

Unlike the first and second new starts after Chef and I split up, I started out this one with something super cool — a beautiful couch. It’s material was easily wiped down, the colors where from the autumn spectrum which is my favorite, and it really seemed designed to dissuade any dog chewing nonsense. Exodus had given it to me, and it had survived her huskies.

Here is a picture of the majestic couch:


Here is a picture of the couch on Day Two:


Let’s set aside everything I said and did the minute I saw that, and skip ahead to happier times. I immediately went out and bought kennels. When I came home that evening, Sparrow had demolished her brand new kennel. Oliver, being the good dog, had patiently waited for me to come home and let him out of his.

To say I am frustrated with Sparrow is an understatement. I love her, but enough already. Something has to change.

Well, as luck would have it, one of the four stations I get on tv Saturday, had the show Cesar the Dog Whisperer on it. Oh.My.Lord.

It is almost like the two hours of dog training advice were designed specifically for me. I learned so many things. For instance, I reward them constantly just because I love them. Turns out, now they think I’m pathetic and don’t respect me. I let them walk in front of me on the leash, which tells them I’m bringing up the rear in our pecking order. I don’t do enough to allow Sparrow to release all that crazy, pent-up energy. I depend entirely too much on what words I’m telling them, none of which they have a single clue mean something. They take all their cues from my body language, which lately, has been wound up pretty tight.

So, armed with all this awesome new knowledge, I set about this weekend promoting myself to the leader of our little pack. I’ll admit, I’m not quite there yet, but there seems to be a little improvement, especially with our walking on leashes. In fact, I even let Oliver off of his a bit because he stayed right next to me. The torrential flooding of Austin this weekend did curb most of my training efforts, and I know Sparrow is crazy wound up because we just couldn’t walk very long in the pouring rain.

I plan on going home at lunch and making sure the ghetto-rigging on Sparrow’s kennel is still holding, and take them out to go potty. I’m determined to get these little a******s in line!!!

I will NOT give up!!

~ Bird

8 responses to “My Dogs Are D**ks!!”

  1. Oh my dear piggy heavens! My mom would have had a stroke if Houdini did that to our couch here. You are a saint. And training and schedules are key. I know because I live for my schedule. Good luck on your training my friend. XOXO – Bacon

    Liked by 1 person

      • Just like my mom would… after she picked herself off of the floor. Us anipals make boo-boo’s. It happens. I’ll admit that… someone – and I’m not mentioning names – pulled up some tile from their bedroom floor a long time ago… Whistles and looks innocent as a pig can.. XOXO – Bacon

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You go girl! I have a friend whose dog does the same thing. I don’t know how she deals with it. I have 3 labs at my house, and all are sneaky , starving marvins too. One knows how to turn the cabinet door and eat all the bread; one can’t resist the cat food every time she walks by, and the other is just a spaz. Rawhide chewies help for a short while, but we have to put up baby gates on both sides of the kitchen and on the furniture and going downstairs — and we have no babies! Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, dear! I’m afraid I would have struggled really hard not to yell at them, even though it wouldn’t have taught them anything (other than mom is wacko) and would probably raise the blood pressure. Persevere and you will win. I don’t know if Cesar mentioned this, but with your commands, one word gets better results than two or three. This is a point I have tried to teach my sister and brother-in-law with their motley crew of 4 (2 smallish and two big) but they don’t always follow through. Yet my single “Hush!” will get them to stop barking when their “No barking!” has no effect. Another little trick I learned a long time ago out of sheer frustration, is that dogs don’t respond as well to a woman’s voice because of the higher register. If one of the dogs isn’t listening, I just lower my voice a few octaves and instant attention.

    BTW, is Sparrow by chance a Jack Russell Terrier? My nephew has a Jack Russell and he is a terror. My sister and BIL keep their dogs in wire kennels while they are at work because the beasts (said with love) have torn up not only couch cushions (while the cover was off being washed), but two dog beds, outside patio cushions, and even the toughest rubber or knotted toys we can find.

    Good luck and welcome to Texas (you’re going to love Austin).


    • Hi, Barbara!

      I have no idea what I’m doing here. Exodus is going to help train me, but she’s got the kind of job that she has to travel for. I just sat down on the floor and cried. Lol. I contacted Austin’s Pets Alive about finding a home for Sparrow, but then backed out. I feel like she will respond to proper teaching. She’s part greyhound, and the rest is a mystery. We never saw her dad, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she has some Jack Russell in her.

      I tried the lowering of my voice, and it does work….on Oliver. Oliver has no issues about obeying me, not tearing things up, and sitting quietly in his wire kennel until I get home. Sparrow destroyed her heavy-duty, wire kennel within minutes. This lady at Pets Alive suggested I put her on prozac. I’m not a big advocate for medicating problems, but at this point, I would consider it. She tore up my blinds yesterday (which were pulled all the way up and the strings tied up high). I bought curtains, spent hours putting them up and then tied them practically to the ceiling this morning, in hopes I still have them when I get home.

      The dog nightmare notwithstanding, I am truly loving living here!! Thank you for the warm welcome! I checked into writer meetups yesterday. I am excited about this new chapter of my life!!

      Liked by 1 person

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