I had a weird occurrence Monday.

As you all know, I quit working at the staffing agency in Tulsa, Oklahoma, packed up a few of my personal things, and made a momentous move to return home to Austin, Texas. Within a week or so, I had a new job, a new life living in the very deep country, and have been basically really enjoying this new chapter of my life. Marlboro & Red are an infinite source of hilarious stories that I always mean to write down so I can share with you here, but then Red says something else, and I completely forget the previous jocularity. Sunday, after going to church…that’s right!! Church!!… I was sitting in the yard, watching Sparrow and Oliver run and frolic, dashing in and out of the cattle pens, and truly thanking the Lord for bringing me into a period of time in my life where things are peaceful and calm. He gave me a friend right off the bat with Exodus; He gave me Red, who has been mothering me to an embarrassing extent, which I’m loving; I see my Dad weekly. My dogs think they’ve died and gone to Doggie Heaven. Life never stays this smooth, but when it levels out for a few minutes, enjoy it. That was what I was doing.

After work Monday, on the way home, I saw that I missed a phone call from the staffing agency I used to work for in Tulsa. It wasn’t all that friendly a parting with the owner, so I was pretty surprised to see he had called. The message he left said he had received a call from his credit card company because someone had tried to use his card to reserve a block of hotel rooms, and he wanted an explanation from me or he was going to call the police. I immediately called him back, because hey! I have nothing to hide. I’ve never even seen his credit card number, and my expense reports over the last year and a half are proof that I used my own credit cards and got reimbursed for company purchases. But I had some questions of my own, including why it was immediately assumed I would have something to do with this.

For your entertainment pleasure, I’ve used some hashtags to really punctuate my frustration/sick amusement over this latest cluster of crap.

1. Why assume it was me? When you have a poor track record with your assumptions, as I’ve experienced with you for over a year now, #stopassumingshit . Let me guess! Was it C***y who informed you your credit card company called? #somethingsneverchange
2. Were the rooms reserved under my name specifically? There’s #nowaynottobeinsulted that anyone would think I’d be that retarded of a criminal that I would use a stolen credit card and my own real name. #ohplease
3. If I’m going to ever risk going to prison for theft or fraud, I wouldn’t risk it on something so stupid, and useless to me. #idon’tneedablockofhotelrooms #ineedanewtruckandamilliondollars
4. Only cowards call and leave accusatory messages on voicemail during hours they know it is unlikely they are going to reach a real person. #fromwhereistand this all seems kind of like an effort to upset me more than someone trying to get to the bottom of something serious. Do what the rest of us do. Change your credit card number and #getagrip. Oh, and #returnmycall instead of acting like I’m avoiding you. #deceitful
5. You indirectly gave me a real boost, emotionally with this whole creepy episode. And that was, a person with a squeaky clean conscience loses no sleep over accusations or threats of calling the police. #BringItOn . #Iaminnocent. #NothingtoHide
6. I have no plans whatsoever to lash out at you or your little sidekick, and I would never, ever steal anyone’s credit card for any reason. This post is just to tell you politely, and publicly, you need to leave me and mine alone now. Enough of the nonsense. I have walked away, and I’ve wiped the dust from my feet, and I’ve taken my blessings with me. #thinktwicebeforeaccusingmeagain

Maybe if people knew that I am always likely to blog each and every weirdo thing that happens to me, they would be careful what they dragged into my life. It would seem that despite your displeasure at things I’ve mentioned in the past, repeatedly, you still don’t seem to believe I will still write about bad behaviors. I hope this time, you learn. The only reason this blog does as well as it does is because I write about everything, my good and bad behaviors as well as those I interacted with along the way. Nothing is off limits.

Best bet? Leave me alone.

#dropthemikeandwalkaway

~ Bird