5 Things I’ve Learned About City vs. Country People

I’m learning a lot about country living, or more specifically, country people.

Now, I’m not ashamed to admit, I’m a city girl. Yes. I have a high tolerance for bugs, and I’ve had my fair share of snake interactions, but overall, I still think like a city girl. Some of the glaring differences between city dwellers and country folk I’ve learned this week alone are as follows:

1. City people have a group of friends they hang with, and they are almost never neighbors. Just because our properties touch doesn’t mean we are going to get to know each other, and that includes names. Country people know names, dates, extended family members, what skeletons are in what closets, who comes and goes to your house for a visit, what your latest ailments are and which doctor you are seeing for them, and how regular your bowel movements have been for the last 30 years.
2. City people know, if you accidentally hit an animal with your car, and it has a collar, you stop and call the number on the collar. Country people don’t. It is expected that your pet be smart enough to stay out of the road. If it isn’t, that’s just tough shit. Survival of the fitness, baby.
3. In the city, if you hear a woman screaming, you call the police. In the country, you grab a gun, run to the porch, and look for that motherf*****g mountain lion that has been eating your chickens at night.
4. In the city, you lock your windows and doors at night. In the country, if you lock your windows and doors at any time, you’re a pussy. Everyone around knows you have a gun since you used it on a few of them before.
5. In the city, an expensive little sports car is a sign of success; in the country, it is a sign of stupidity. Nothing delights them more than to see a trendy little midlife-crisis mobile sitting on the side of the road with a flat tire and a driver waiting for AAA. Big effing trucks are a sign you rock in the country.

I’ll admit. I’m loving this education.

In other news, I start my new job Monday!!! Friday, I’m hanging out with Exodus, who in a fit of insomnia, designed an avatar of herself. Now, when you look at this thing, is there really any wonder why we hit it off so well?

Hope you all have as great a day as I am having!!

~ Bird