My Writing Process Has Some Problems

Or, Can I blame my retarded writing process on Adult Attention Disorder?

Developing a writing process requires at least a tiny pinch of self-discipline, more focus than a newborn baby has, and probably some parenting software that limits access to the internet during certain hours, all of which I seem to not possess….My process looks like Playtime with Birdie. I can’t even look myself in the eye right now….

My book has not been progressing to my satisfaction, and probably in yet another effort to avoid actually writing, I decided to examine and improve the process. I am past caring over ever word like its a newborn child; now I am just happy to see words on a page where there once was none. I’ll edit my edits when their finished. I needed to locate what was holding me up from my goal.

As I like to do, I took a logical approach and mind-mapped my process so the areas to improve would be clear. Plus, it gave me a chance to use the $40 program I’d just bought yesterday. Turns out, it is a little more complicated than it looks, and the instructions are way too long to read. I could easily figure everything out in a shorter amount of time anyways. Surprisingly, it came out looking odd, deformed, and revealing nothing I didn’t already know, except maybe a need to read instructions to some of this stuff once in awhile.

This is how I write a book: 

1. Before beginning the creative process, I have to loosen up. So  I “liked” every single page that every single friend and/or family member on my Facebook account has ever recommended to me. That little icon, along with the games icon that people recommend I try, have sat there since Facebook was still just some college guy’s girl ranking system, and there were hundreds of them. I didn’t even stop to see what any of those pages stood for. I just aimed for the finish line. Afterward, I developed a theory about the amounts of clicking and how many pages I could have done with that same amount of clicks.

2. Sat proudly basking in the after-glow of having completed something so time-consuming, annoyingly repetitive, and fraught with potential unforeseen consequences.

3. Pointedly refused to feel stupid for feeling a sense of accomplishment for something so stupid. Listened to Bekkie explain stuff she’s learning and realizing the only words I understand coming out of her mouth are mainly the prepositional phrases and one or two of the verbs that don’t really do anything..like “is” and “will”.  Feel stupid about the Facebook page thing.

4. Wrote a small paragraph.

5. Googled MindMaps because I remember I’d wanted to do….. sometime before 2011. Decided not to risk forgetting again.

6. Fell in love with the MindMap concept, shopped around for one I liked and could afford, then downloaded a free trial. Promptly got distracted and played with the many different features for about an hour.

7. Ate some chips and watched The Hunger Games for the 405th time this week.

8. Wrote another paragraph. Reread the first one, and decided to delete it and write something else.

9. Re-wrote the second paragraph because it didn’t work with the new one.

10. Spent the next two hours using the mindmap software to outline my story.

11. Basked in how awesome my outline looked, and how the colors I had chosen were so pretty. Also was surprised how much it actually did help, thus proving to myself I’m full of shit when I say I’m doing something for anything other than to amuse myself.

12. Wrote a whole page about being abused, then promptly freaked out, making all sorts of jokes that made my kids laugh. Briefly worried I might be a bad mother, then decided it was too late if I was. Decided that ship had sailed years ago, and they would just have to figure their way out of it like the rest of us.

13. Wrote a post on my blog about writing a book and how I make really dark jokes that I laugh at when I am upset, which feels like it must be weird to see because it is just so weird, even to myself.

14. Rewrote some parts that were to frantic-sounding, and then took a two or three hour break finding all the Google Communities that I had any kind of experience with, or any interest in, no matter how tiny, and joined every single one of them.

15. Firmly set better goals, worried briefly about my digital footprint, and made all sorts of decisions about being more disciplined and less of a weirdo starting tomorrow. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, and chatted a bit with Bekkie where she told me not to distract her with things I know she’ll enjoy, like Quora but got lost in her explanation why, and will return to that subject at a later time.

16.  Laid awake until 3 am creating in my head a story I suspect may be work to rival Shakespeare himself. Also, laid awake wondering if I should just get up and write. Spent twenty minutes arguing with myself.

17. Rationalized my decision to go to sleep instead of write, trying numerous reasons until one gave me the desired excuse.Spent two minutes acknowledging I’m getting harder and harder to fool.

Yesterday when I had the time, environment, and laptop to get the work done, I spent chunks of it doing random, stupid stuff. It was highly unlikely I was going to do much better than I did yesterday, despite what I tell myself.

It’s really a wonder I ever get anything done….

~ Bird