My On-Line Reputation Has Now Sunk to an All-Time Low

Today, I was very, very bored. It isn’t that I don’t have a bunch of stuff to do. It’s more like I didn’t feel like doing any of it. Instead, I decided to bum around all day and do whatever struck my fancy. And turns out, I think I might have Adult ADHD, because I kept starting stuff, and then getting distracted. Now I have even more stuff to finish later on.

One of the things I tend to do when I’m really bored is to join all kinds of random websites. In the last month, I’ve joined: LinkedIn, about.me, Netlog, Twoo, JustReTweet, Experience Project, Zoominfo, FMyLife.com, Extra Play.com, Throw Pile, HotKlix, and who knows how many others. I’ve overwhelmed myself with email spam and update notifications. Why??? 

There’s been some eye-opening revelations about the world we live in, too. Like the fact that even though Netlog is touted as Europe‘s answer to our Facebook. it seems to be more of a networking of prostitutes and their johns. Within 4 seconds of creating an account, I had my very first Friend Request. Woohoo! Who said Europeans weren’t friendly?

Here is who wanted to be my friend:

And these are Claudia’s friends:

Even I’m not so simple that I didn’t catch on to the scam pretty quick. But, unfortunately, I accepted about 3 Friend Requests from some working girls within the first minute, which inadvertently linked me up to the obvious Hookers-R-Us Club, and ever since then, I’ve been getting some offers.

I’m appalled, but not so much that there are lonely men who are willing to pay for sex, but because I’m so low on the menu! I would have worn something different had I really been trying to set up a sex business on Netlog. Instead, I just look desperate for a date, and it shows in the quality of the guys sending me random, disgusting emails. The max amount I’ve been offered is a shameful $10 to send him a naked picture of myself. I thought about downloading some random internet generic nude shot and sending it to him, just to make a quick buck, but that seemed wrong. 🙂

I’m afraid to even look at any more of the messages I’ve got waiting for me on Netlog. Somehow, the phrase “I want to lick at you every part” is more disturbing than the correct American gutter-phrase “I want to lick you all over”. Even more mind-bending is the fact that this man’s profile said he was some rich, educated guy from California. I.Doubt.It.

I want to delete my account, but I forgot what my password is, and they haven’t sent me the email to reset it. I can just feel my reputation sinking into the sewer. And don’t even get me started on Twoo, which I was automatically signed up for by Netlog without my consent. Twoo is a dating site, supposedly. What it really amounts to is the equivalent of a take-out menu for the Human Meat Market. And I need to have my password to Netlog to get into that site too. What a nightmare.

And I thought joining a dating site call DateHookup.com was embarrassing! This is way worse.

Anyways, I’m going to go wash my dishes, which, if I had just stuck to doing what I was supposed to be doing today, would have saved my reputation. Instead, in Europe I’m known to some creepy pervs as a Slapper-For-Hire. In case my fellow Americans aren’t up on their European slang, here ya go:

slapper: n. s**t. Person on the prowl for anything they can get. Anything. The word is applied more often to females, arguably because it is a built-in function of blokes and doesn’t deserve a separate word. Slappers wander around the dance floor looking for the drunkest blokes and then, when they’ve found them, woo them by dancing backwards into them “accidentally.” They are invariably spotted at the end of an evening telling the bouncer how lonely they are and trying to sit on his knee.

Nice.

Netlog, I hate you.

Night, Everybody!

— Bird