Breaking The Strongholds – One Painful Step At A Time

Yesterday, I wrote two posts, Teach Me and No Repeat Performances about distancing myself from Chef and T, and today, I see how God did just that in my life. Where I didn’t truly know how to do this, He stepped in, but I have to say, it was pretty painful.

I told you all that Rebekkah, Dj, and I are living in this tiny hotel room with two dogs and two cats. Well, the dogs are ok, but the cats — Milo and Sebastian — are cooped up 24/7, and Sebastian almost fell out of the window from the fourth floor because he knocked the screen out of the window. Had it not been for Rebekkah’s quick reflexes, he’d have committed gato-cide. Milo has been acting depressed because there is literally no space for these two animals to even play, and I’d been thinking that this situation wasn’t good for them, especially.

Now, my readers who’ve been with me longer know I’m particularly attached to these two animals. I call them my Empty-Nest Syndrome medicine, and I’ve gone above and beyond with the spoiling. I just love them so much. But I decided I needed to send them back to the house with T and Chef because it is what is better for them…not me. 😦  So, this morning, I called Don and asked if he would take them back. He said yes, of course. I offered to bring them to the house because I need some of my stuff out of the garage, and he went all itchy scratchy on me. Even though T openly admits to me that they are living together, as does her dad, Chef is still trying to convince me she doesn’t.  And that part doesn’t matter. I don’t really want to go to their house. What I wanted was to give Chef instructions on their care because this is like giving up a set of children, and if it isn’t done correctly, they could go outside and never come back. So, he offered to send T. This bothered me because T has already gotten my husband, my house, most of my furniture…so much. And handing them over to her would actually seem worse than handing them over to him. Not by much, you understand, but a little. So, he agreed to meet me near their home and pick up the babies.

Guess who showed up. Now, she was sweet and apologetic, but I just broke down and wept because it was like Chef didn’t listen, understand, or care at all about how hard this was for me. And even worse, he didn’t give me heads up to prepare for it. I cried, but I wasn’t mean or anything. I just told T, through my tears, that I feel like I’ve lost so much to her, that this was just another part. I forgive her, but I’m still in a lot of pain all over again about these little animals. She understood, apologized…is still apologizing through texts, but maybe God wanted them to see my pain all over again. One of the advisers on this blog told me that I needed to not hide my pain so much and allow them to see what this has done to everyone, but at the time, I wasn’t feeling much anymore. But this little move did hurt me again, and I kept what she said in my mind and showed T my true pain.

It wasn’t manipulative either because even now, I’m crying as I write this. I already miss those two little tornadoes, and even worse, I don’t know if I will actually ever get them back. Yet two more losses that hurt me.

I see how God confirmed the keeping my distance thing, and He did it the very next day. So, I will praise Him for helping me, and pray that my little animals are peaceful, happy, and well taken care of.

— Bird