Breaking The Strongholds – One Painful Step At A Time

Yesterday, I wrote two posts, Teach Me and No Repeat Performances about distancing myself from Chef and T, and today, I see how God did just that in my life. Where I didn’t truly know how to do this, He stepped in, but I have to say, it was pretty painful.

I told you all that Rebekkah, Dj, and I are living in this tiny hotel room with two dogs and two cats. Well, the dogs are ok, but the cats — Milo and Sebastian — are cooped up 24/7, and Sebastian almost fell out of the window from the fourth floor because he knocked the screen out of the window. Had it not been for Rebekkah’s quick reflexes, he’d have committed gato-cide. Milo has been acting depressed because there is literally no space for these two animals to even play, and I’d been thinking that this situation wasn’t good for them, especially.

Now, my readers who’ve been with me longer know I’m particularly attached to these two animals. I call them my Empty-Nest Syndrome medicine, and I’ve gone above and beyond with the spoiling. I just love them so much. But I decided I needed to send them back to the house with T and Chef because it is what is better for them…not me. 😦  So, this morning, I called Don and asked if he would take them back. He said yes, of course. I offered to bring them to the house because I need some of my stuff out of the garage, and he went all itchy scratchy on me. Even though T openly admits to me that they are living together, as does her dad, Chef is still trying to convince me she doesn’t.  And that part doesn’t matter. I don’t really want to go to their house. What I wanted was to give Chef instructions on their care because this is like giving up a set of children, and if it isn’t done correctly, they could go outside and never come back. So, he offered to send T. This bothered me because T has already gotten my husband, my house, most of my furniture…so much. And handing them over to her would actually seem worse than handing them over to him. Not by much, you understand, but a little. So, he agreed to meet me near their home and pick up the babies.

Guess who showed up. Now, she was sweet and apologetic, but I just broke down and wept because it was like Chef didn’t listen, understand, or care at all about how hard this was for me. And even worse, he didn’t give me heads up to prepare for it. I cried, but I wasn’t mean or anything. I just told T, through my tears, that I feel like I’ve lost so much to her, that this was just another part. I forgive her, but I’m still in a lot of pain all over again about these little animals. She understood, apologized…is still apologizing through texts, but maybe God wanted them to see my pain all over again. One of the advisers on this blog told me that I needed to not hide my pain so much and allow them to see what this has done to everyone, but at the time, I wasn’t feeling much anymore. But this little move did hurt me again, and I kept what she said in my mind and showed T my true pain.

It wasn’t manipulative either because even now, I’m crying as I write this. I already miss those two little tornadoes, and even worse, I don’t know if I will actually ever get them back. Yet two more losses that hurt me.

I see how God confirmed the keeping my distance thing, and He did it the very next day. So, I will praise Him for helping me, and pray that my little animals are peaceful, happy, and well taken care of.

— Bird

21 responses to “Breaking The Strongholds – One Painful Step At A Time”

  1. I am sure it was like putting another notch in the wall. You see what you have lost and now your beloved pets are gone also. You must be thinking is there anything else God that you want me to give up, to change, to see differently? At this point, you kneel and cry and pray to God to get you through this trial, and to show me which direction to take next. Hugs Bird


    • I am doing just that, Terry. And God is giving me peace again. I guess it was a lesson for me to be honest about how this makes me feel, and a little less like a pseudo PollyAnna. Lol….But, now I can feel the distance I need again, and I guess God has something so special planned for me, He wasn’t willing to let me waiver from the path. All it shows me is that He loves me. 🙂 Thanks for you sweet advice, and of course I’m going to follow it.


  2. The first thing I said to myself when I saw the first photo was “wow..she’s beautiful..”
    I just want to give you a hug!
    Don’t be sad about time you will get them back..and I understand your frustration (I don’t think that’s the right word I’m looking for..) at the fact that T came to get Milo &’s hard when you tell someone something and it’s like talking to a wall..
    I can only pray that you feel better about Milo & Sebastian soon..


    • Thanks for the compliment! That picture was taken only a few days ago, and I was going to bed…lol. I will get over it. I’m starting to feel better already because I know they will be happier there. They need to be able to play outside again, climb trees, and stalk innocent birds and mice. Sebastian almost falling out of the window terrified me. So, I feel like I did the right thing. Hugs right back, Apple!! Thank you for you encouragement.


  3. Oh this must have been so hard for you to do…I know that I loved my cats..(last year they both passed) but at least they are going to other than strangers and they will be fine. I really believe you did what was best for them…But I know you will have tears off and on for awhile.

    I am so sorry that Chef didn’t turn up himself though!….Diane


    • It was for the better. T and I had a good talk, and I think maybe God’s hand was in all of that. I’m easily manipulated by him, but not her, and she’ll take very good care of them for me. 🙂


    • Oh, Grace! I wish that were true, but I always have to examine my motives because sometimes I can be really, really selfish. But you do make me feel like there is some good I am accomplishing, and I thank you for that so much!!


  4. i’m thinking, and i could be totally wrong here, that the best message you can give T as a christian is to repent of the adultry and for her to have nothing more to do with chef, due to to adulterer and horrible influence on her, or to stop communicating with or meeting with you.

    repentance isn’t aking for forgiveness but not being willing to change the sinful and hurtful behavior.

    realize that she, and chef too, when they come to you or try to communicate with you thru this, are really only trying to console themselves and alleviate themselves of the guilt and responsibility for having broken up your marriage by adultry and drug abuse,

    they need to repent or be willing to carry the full weight of the guilt and consequences ‘without’ your comforting them in their continued state of sin and injury to you.
    and you need to be able to not allow them solace or comfort in their condemnation for their sins against you, themselves and especially God.

    i know these are hard words, and i realize they go against the current trend of ‘love and forgive everybody, regardless of true repentance and contrition’, but nonetheless, it is Bible truth. (read 1cor5 about the man and his father’s wife)

    they are only consoling themselves, they are not truly concerned with you, otherwise they would stop what they are doing or at least not keep ‘parading’ it infront of you.

    my 2cents


    • It’s uncanny that you just wrote this. I did exactly that with T a few minutes ago. She was having some issues with Chef’s lying, and when I showed her some of the love letters he had written me, she told me she felt like an idiot because they contradicted everything he had told her. She was crying when she left, but she wasn’t angry at me. She told me she knew I was telling the truth and when Don called me right then, she listened to the conversation, and was just broken up. He didn’t want her to spend any time with me without him, and the way he was speaking, all nervous and itchy, she knew I was telling her the truth. Plus, she’d been feeling like he was lying about where he was each day, when he was in fact coming over here and having breakfast downstairs with me each day. She told me she was going to confront him and then move to her brother’s house. But she asked me straightforward about my divorce, and I told her that he has really, really been trying to talk me out of it. That hurt her the worst I think. It was all so sad, because I can see she is just a naive, little girl, but adultery never pays off for any of us, including her. Now, whether she does anything with this, I don’t know, but I do know Chef isn’t going to see anything but red if she should leave, and he’s going to blame my telling the truth, instead of his lies. None of that really matters anymore except that I made it clear that I needed him to quit contacting me and that I can’t be fixing up any of their messes. I said I don’t want to be a witness to their consequences. I’m already feeling more peaceful.


  5. Bird all I can say is have faith in God. I am not sinless therefor I cannot stand in judgement of anyone, but I have been where you are and lower, you know that. God placed before me the trials needed to bring me where I am today. Jim’s and my course ran parralel and God saw fit to have my road always rise above his. When Jim became ill I called her and invited her to come and see him out of compassion, to allow closure. She cared for him just as I did, she did nothing to me. People make choices, it is better to be with someone who wants to be with you rather than force someone to be with you. People are flesh not possessions. When Jim passed I even invited her to the memorial, people were blown away. She and I are quite good friends, why because we have something in common. She also knew my pain, pain that I felt from what happened, pain from his illness. And we could share.
    Since I don’t know of anyone that is perfect no one should be judging or pointing any fingers because I will be the first to admit there is always three sides to every story, I had to ask for my own forgiveness. No pointing fingers by anyone because the minute that finger comes out you have just judged….you need support right now in so many other ways by the sound of it. What is happening for housing, how long are you going to be living there what can be done to help you? Who is helping you? We need to remember that if they have asked God for his forgiveness it’s done, it’s DONE. The same as if you or anyone else or I have asked for Gods forgiveness, he has given it. It’s in Gods hands Bird it always has been. He sends the people you need, to teach, to test, to torment, to make you stronger. But most importantly, he sends the people you need to help you become who you were when he first thought of you……


  6. I am so sorry for all the hard things you are going through. But it is an encouragement to see how you allow God to work even in the hardest moments of your life. I’m sure He will abundantly bless you for staying faithful to Him and putting Him first in your life over everything and everyone else. God Bless


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