End of An Era


Little Chef
Little Chef (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I believe that one of the reasons I seem to be stuck in this emotional roller-coaster lately is because of Chef himself. One thing I’ve always said about Chef, he’s a master at manipulation, and for someone like me, who truly loved him with all of her heart, soul, and mind, I’m just an easy target.


Chef was indeed kicked out of the club, and his heart was broken. While I think this is the best thing that could have happened for him, I was also sad that it had hurt him so much, and from that sympathy, Chef was able to manipulate me into taking care of several things for him. I updated his resume and printed out several copies, gave him quite a lot of money, bought him food, watched his back when he turned his club stuff in, etc. I don’t write all of that so people think I’m so giving. I write it to show you all what a sucker I can be when it comes to him.


We’d been getting along pretty well since he got kicked out, and he’s on numerous occasions vowed to fix his marriage. He says he still loves me and can’t imagine life without me, yet these sorts of things tend to correspond with payday, and that bothers me. We have a joint venture that could net us quite a lot of money, and he often brings up the point that we shouldn’t divorce until all that is over with, and yet he is saying that he doesn’t want a divorce. I’m not so stupid that I can’t see what he is doing; I just seem powerless to stop myself from helping him out.


My friend and I talked tonight, and I’ve decided that I am really going to leave this place. It’ll be hard leaving behind my animals and my children, but Tulsa is haunted by too many memories, and Chef. Hopefully, by this time next week, I will be living in a whole different state, and then I truly believe the healing can really begin.


Of course, none of this effects you guys, but I have to say, I’m excited to see an end in sight. Love you, guys!!


— Bird


31 responses to “End of An Era”

  1. Onwards and upwards hun, we have all done the sucker bit, we do it because of the person they once were the person we fell in love with and if we are honest we do it a little to try to ease our childrens pain to lessen the visible fall out, but helping him out will not really help him only delay his journey to rock bottom and healing he has chosen his bed literally and now as they say has to lie in in, let his gf worry about bailing him out, being pagan I do belive you will be reunited with your pets, though that never eases the pain of seperation from them.

    Your life is about to change yet change can bring so many exciting new experiences even if the changes were not of our own choice

    At the end of this era you may be looking back at what you have lost but instead look at all you gained, three wonderful children, a wealth of experiences that have made you a stronger person, the ability to deal with the worst you believed could happen yet walk away with self respect and your head held high, and a a group of true friend who you know will stand by you no matter what.

    You have so much already and the future will only bring more as you spread your wings and let the bird soar xx


  2. Sigh, I guess that means no more pet friends to tell me when you’ve been drunk posting and dancing naked with the lamp again 😦 I’m sorry that things have to come to the level where you’re uncomfortable in your own home state. However, I’m really happy that you have taken the risk, and the strength to pack up and move away. Brighter skies are in store for you, and the rainbows will soon be making an appearance. Things will not be perfect- nothing ever is, but you will be standing with people by your side and a new lease on the life that God has blessed you with.It will not be easy, it certainly hasn’t been painless, but with each day, strength and wisdom are added onto you from your experiences. Go with God, stand with God, and know that we too have your back!


  3. The kind of love you had for Chef is one that you can’t just turn off easily…I understand that. I know in your mind and heart though that you realize it’s better to move away than to be pulled and pushed by him and as you say it’s manipulation. I hope your move goes well and that you will find a peace along the way. Take care Catherine…Diane


  4. Not that Chef can’t still manipulate long distance but is probably a good idea. Have you ever thought about going to a support group for the family of drug addicts? You’d learn so much about manipulative behavior and how to deal with him.


    • I haven’t really thought ahead too much other than getting to Alaska. I tend to only fall for that stuff when I see him, not when I’m talking to him on the phone. I don’t know why…maybe because he looks so thin and unhealthy and I feel sorry for him.


  5. You are still in my prayers and I know the Lord will open new doors for you. He will be with you on this new part of your life’s journey. I pray that you will feel His hand on you as you travel and as you settle in a new home. God bless you abundantly and overflow you with His love.


  6. Sounds like a difficult situation you are in. Is there any chance he can move out instead? Or can you can live closer so you can be near your daughter? It seems a shame for her to basically lose both parents…


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