I believe that one of the reasons I seem to be stuck in this emotional roller-coaster lately is because of Chef himself. One thing I’ve always said about Chef, he’s a master at manipulation, and for someone like me, who truly loved him with all of her heart, soul, and mind, I’m just an easy target.
Chef was indeed kicked out of the club, and his heart was broken. While I think this is the best thing that could have happened for him, I was also sad that it had hurt him so much, and from that sympathy, Chef was able to manipulate me into taking care of several things for him. I updated his resume and printed out several copies, gave him quite a lot of money, bought him food, watched his back when he turned his club stuff in, etc. I don’t write all of that so people think I’m so giving. I write it to show you all what a sucker I can be when it comes to him.
We’d been getting along pretty well since he got kicked out, and he’s on numerous occasions vowed to fix his marriage. He says he still loves me and can’t imagine life without me, yet these sorts of things tend to correspond with payday, and that bothers me. We have a joint venture that could net us quite a lot of money, and he often brings up the point that we shouldn’t divorce until all that is over with, and yet he is saying that he doesn’t want a divorce. I’m not so stupid that I can’t see what he is doing; I just seem powerless to stop myself from helping him out.
My friend and I talked tonight, and I’ve decided that I am really going to leave this place. It’ll be hard leaving behind my animals and my children, but Tulsa is haunted by too many memories, and Chef. Hopefully, by this time next week, I will be living in a whole different state, and then I truly believe the healing can really begin.
Of course, none of this effects you guys, but I have to say, I’m excited to see an end in sight. Love you, guys!!