OMG!! I’ve lost 15 Facebook Friends!!!

To You Know Who You Are:

I’m a writer, so you had to know, I was going to write about this. 🙂

Anyone who has known me for about 5 minutes knows, don’t bother using club crap to try to manipulate me. It won’t work because I’ve always kept most club people at arm’s length…I always knew that this was one of those easy come, easy go situations, and I’ve seen so much turn-over in it, I never thought for a second it would last forever. In other words, there are some good things to learn from club societies, but I haven’t really ever seen any true friendships in it. It is very much an egotistical boost for most of these men, and most of the woman who are die-hard fans seem blind to the disrespect that is constantly shoved into their faces. I was fortunate for most of my time around them to be treated with dignity and respect, but once my Chef decided to be unfaithful, irresponsible, addicted, and desert his family for “club activities”, a brand new girlfriend, and new kinds of dangerous party substances, the club immediately sided with the man (it is a man’s world, after all), and it doesn’t matter what he has done to hurt his own life and family, he is automatically in the right, and has that power to shove his wife out of it. I believe in this case, though, Chef has realized he might have mishandled his power play just a tad. I was never all that interested in the patch thing, so it fell short of what he had hoped to achieve, and I can see he’s desperately trying to understand the backlash that just happened to him. For a guy who was married to me for decades, he doesn’t seem to understand me at all. That is just disheartening. I think we all want someone to understand us, and I’m thinking I might be a complete mystery to the guy.

Am I really that complicated???

Yesterday, I was 86ed. It has always been this uncomfortable joke among some of the women I know in the club that the way most of us find out we’ve been evicted from this club society is through Facebook. When you start seeing the club-related members de-friending you, you know that you’ve been kicked out of the red and gold nation. And yesterday, I lost 15 friends, got a text message from someone who thought that the club was overstepping their boundaries, a dozen calls from people who actually love me and were hurting for me and appalled by the decision,  Chef, and then one really, really interesting call about the reasons I’m supposedly kicked out, and that call just blew up Chef’s world. Here’s the thing about human nature. Some people really love to have a front seat to other people’s pain, and when I got 86ed, this woman took it upon herself to start making phone calls, and each time she opened her mouth, the story got more and more twisted. And because it was based on a lie anyways, she really went to town with, thinking that because no one in the club is supposed to ever speak to me again, I’d never find out. People, that is never, ever how it works out. It is no fun for the gossip mongers if the person being punished doesn’t know about it, so someone always makes sure that the 86ed one finds out. And Chef freaked completely out. In his own words, he can say or do whatever he wants to me, but no one else is allowed to. Yeah. A prince among men. 🙂

Here’s the kicker – supposedly, I was 86ed because I was having an affair with one of the other club members. I actually had to have it repeated to me about a dozen times just to wrap my brain around it. Oh please. I’ve been around these people for years and years. I write a Christian blog. I’ve declared to any one who would listen to me in my life and in this blog how much I was so in love with my husband, and anyone and everyone who saw us together knew that. Of all the asinine lies to make up to get me away from Chef and the motorcycle club so he could pursue his life in Vanity Fair unimpeded, that one was just ridiculous, and everyone knows it. (And a bit hypocritical if you ask me.) LOL!!! That is what you guys came up with?? 

I received this text message from Chef yesterday that was actually quite apologetic and beautiful, and of course, being the sucker that I am, I met with him for dinner so he could try to explain why he had decided to get me ostracized. He insisted that when he had me 86ed, he did it to protect himself legally since I am contemplating divorce. Not sure why he needed to bother doing that, but whatever. Man, wasn’t he surprised when I told him I already knew what he had actually used as his reason, and not from just one or two people either. His face was pretty priceless at that moment.

I then proceeded to tell him exactly what I had been told about my “punishment”, along with some interesting “facts” about being followed by members of the club,  being under surveillance 24 hours a day by the club, having my phone tapped, and the fact that this woman was telling people exactly the motel I’m living in and what car I was driving. That creeps me right out. I wanted to see Chef’s face when I asked him about it. Wow. He wasn’t expecting the gossip to actually reach me as quickly as it did, and he flipped out. His explanations were a rambled mess, and by the end of it, he promised me that he would lift the “86ing” because he knew I hadn’t deserved that, he knew I had not been unfaithful to him, swore he never said that, and that people were trying to destroy his life, and he called the woman’s old man right there in front of me and confronted him about this woman spreading “lies” about me, insisting that even though we were having difficulties, he wouldn’t tolerate my reputation being tarnished like that. He promised to lift the 86ing in a few days because he had just instituted it, and he needed a few days to undo it. That is, if I remained calm and didn’t try to wreck his life. I am speechless. I still am. Who cares about the 86ing? I want to know why my hotel address is being passed around to people I’ve barely ever met? What happens if some wanna-be weirdo guy decides to gangland my butt so he will get accepted in the motorcycle club? Evidently, he’ll know where to find me!!!

I listened very carefully to how Chef was wording things, and it made me just sad. My own husband spread those rumors.

When confronted,  woman who started out with evil glee in spreading gossip about me started tossing around blame to other women in the club, throwing as many people under the bus as she could to at least not be underneath it by herself, and I had to just shake my head. I was forwarded some of her texts messages, all laced with her joy at witnessing the pain I’m in, and so the lies and blame she was trying to share with her fellow club sisters are recorded in writing, on my phone.

Lies, lies, lies. Man, I’m so sick of all the lies.

No. I didn’t buy any of Chef’s excuses or explanations about the 86ing nonsense.  Chef is a magnificent orator, but I could see a man trying to run some damage control knowing full well that some angry, bitter lies, probably uttered in a really bad moment,  had just come back to haunt him. I may lose contact with a motorcycle club, and there are a few people in it I will miss, but I’ll tell you what. I knew within 24 hours just who was a real friend to me and who was not. And there were no surprises. I always knew all along who would be true to me in a bind and who wouldn’t. And those people have earned my utmost respect and loyalty, because they put their own status in this club on the line to show that they were truly people of character.  And there were quite a few of them. I always admire people with balls. 🙂

Chef and I actually had a civil meal together last evening, not touching on some of the painful things that have been going on except for that stupid lie about me having an affair, and I was able to point out to him that with each passing day, I’m getting better, but he’s getting worse. My heart is definitely on the mend, and while this 86ing thing was a small punch in the stomach, it didn’t even begin to rank with all the other stuff he’s put me through. And because he had to lie to get it done, that was yet another thing he was going to have to face himself in the mirror about one day.

But what he said last night that made the biggest impression on me and one that I will never, ever forget was this:

His exact words were:

” I did this to you so you would know that I can.”

I know the club has people who read my blog to make sure I’m not telling any “secrets”, so I know they will read this and glean from it whatever they want. So, I’m going to say this.

I don’t lie.

I have no intention of trashing this club that has rejected me, not out of vengeance or anger, but not out of loyalty either, nor do I care one way or another if Chef stays in it or not. At one time, this was good for him, but lately, I see nothing positive about him being in it. It is what he uses to manipulate me with, it is the only thing that seems to give him any self-esteem, and in the entire time I’ve ever known him, he’s never been unemployed this long. It isn’t the m/c’s fault…it is Chef’s fault. If it hadn’t been the motorcycle club it would have been something else, so I’m not blaming the club. I enjoyed the many years I was welcome in it, especially in the beginning when Chef was healthy and we did so many of the trips together. But I never expected that if things got hard, the club would do anything at all to protect me. It is, after all, a man’s club, and I’ve always known that. I will miss some of the people I used to know, and I will always focus on the fun memories, and I’ll let go of the hurt of being ostracized.

That woman G probably watched too many episodes of Gangland and exaggerated what she had heard, but the fact that she told people which hotel I’m at, what kind of car I drive, that my phone is tapped, and that I’m under 24 hour surveillance is some pretty serious stuff. I’ve never even had a real conversation with this woman, so if she knows all of these things, than so do other people, and that really, really concerns me. What happens if some wanna-be hang-around guy decides to hurt me so he will get accepted in the motorcycle club? I’ve seen some of the people who’ve tried to join, and I consider this something I need to take seriously.

And if that all covert bullshit was really happening, then wow, guys. Some one really needs to read Sun Tsu’s Art of War. Seriously. What is the point of stalking someone if the stalked knows she’s being followed?? Someone knew where I was and they are talking. Not cool.

So,  today, my message isn’t about God, or my marriage, or even about motorcycle clubs. It is about gossip and lies, and how they can really blow up in your face. People with real character, loyalty, and trustworthiness are hard to find these days. Luckily, I still have those kinds of people in my life.

— Bird




66 responses to “OMG!! I’ve lost 15 Facebook Friends!!!”

  1. Girl you need to run and run fast. Get away from their poison. Find your own place to be. Be happy. I’m floored by the heartless thing Chef said to you. Floored. If you have to delete this comment, I understand. But please protect yourself and your kids. Run.


    • I always watch my back, and God is my defense. Please don’t worry. This is a message that I know what is going on, and if something happens to me, it won’t be good for anyone involved. I’m okay, Terry!


  2. I despise liars, cheaters and thieves!! I choose to X them out of my life. Hang in there kid, I can tell you are getting stronger each day.


  3. Wow! What a turn of events. It’s funny too, how deep down we know who our true friends are. Thank you for sharing such a painful circumstance. Please be safe… Love and hugs


    • I will be. I think it was God that I found all of this out so quickly. I’m in good spirits, careful, and now, should anything happen to me, it is on record who to look for.


  4. Well if they are reading this I hope they realise just how pathetic they are, to stalk someone and tap their phone because they wouldn’t put up with their husband screwing around really please get a life, if they actually had any self respect it would be chef they had 86’d. I am angry as hell for you right now, am while they stalk you and preach their warped morals have they stopped for one minute to consider the children who are not only yours but chef’s have they hell shows what their ideas of family are, thank god they unfriended you with friends like that you sure as hell wouldnt need enemies, I hate bullies and people who try to manipulate others to disguise their own failings Chef says he did it because he can well chef if you read this what did you actually do…you put your own children and their mother in danger I am not so sure that is something I would be proud of or bragging about. I am going to shut up now because i respect you bird too much to actually share all my thoughts right now


      • I doubt one of them would actually have the balls to reply to my comment in person and try to justify themselves, when I was young clubs were for people who shared interests not for those too weak they lacked the backbone to think for themselves, I do not let anyone tell me who i can and cannot be friends with or talk to infact your hell would freeze over before I ever turned my back on a friend who was hurting, you are so much better than these sort of people and deserve to have better people in your life,


        • Oh and just incase they havent got the intelligence to work it out real men do not threaten women, real men honour and respect their families and protect them from any sort of hurt be it physical or emotional and real men deal with their own problems not hide behind their friends


        • lol…I already do. I have a ton of people on here, and several that refused to honor the 86ing here in my physical life. I am in a much better position to defend myself than a lot of these women who get shoved out are, and maybe it is the Italian in me, but I’ve been covering my own butt since I was a kid. I’m hypervigilant about danger, and have always been good at protecting myself. Thank God!!! And no, you probably won’t get any reply from any of them. What can really be said that can help any of them save face? There is nothing honorable or good that came out of what was done yesterday, and because of the “pillow talk” by club members to their ole ladies (something that is always a no-no), my address is now public record. Don’t want to be any of those people right now!!


          • I could make a comment about why they need a big bike between their legs to feel powerful but that would be sinking below the belt but I would say that there is one reason that men feel the need to treat women badly and that is because they are insecure about their own manhood and do not like to face the fact women may not be physically stronger but we are mentally tougher it is no accident that the saying goes the female of the species of more deadly than the male,


              • he wats to get down and give thanks that you dont have my irish temper never mind your italian one because believe me by the time I finished with him he would wish he could crawl back in his mothers womb as I said there are comments I have refrained from making because of respect for you and your kids shame their father doesnt respect them as much hun xxxx


  5. Praying with your for your safety Bird, knowing He is your refuge and your strong tower. He’s got your back, sides and is going in front of you. You are His beloved and a treasure to Him. I think the club needs to be afraid of what they have done, messing with you. love you and God bless you!


  6. I won’t be shy, I won’t be shy. The first poster said it so succinctly, RUN. You may love Chef and I know you do, and the two of you work- SOMETIMES. “When it’s good it’s very, very good; but when it’s bad: IT’S HORRID!”.

    Across the miles, I’ve grown very fond of my Bird. So, leave, do not pass go, do not collect $200, but LEAVE NOW.

    Can I ask what is ’86th?’ How do you find out the friends who have ‘unfriended’ you from FB. I’d be really interested. I think a fair portion of my family has unfriended me, but how do I find out?


    • 86 means that you’re no longer allowed to communicate with that person ever again. That’s all. And I can’t run. I have kids here, a job, animals…no. I am not running. I do know how to take care of myself….ask Chef. Facebook people will go to your site and hit a button that says “Un-Friend”. Oh please. They can bite me. I just would accept whoever asked to be my “friend”…I didn’t even know most of them, and couldn’t tell you but a handful of people that I could actually put a name with a face. I simply don’t care. What I freaked on was that people know where I am staying right now, with my daughter. Why do they need to know that? Hence, this is a very public warning that should something happen to me, people are going to ask questions. I think that’s fair, don’t you?


    • Oh, and I’m not in love with him anymore. Too much damage. He’d have to work himself out a hole, and then start all over with me, and frankly, I’m not interested anymore. So don’t worry!


  7. Bird, I don’t mean ‘run’ as in move or leave the area; I meant run as in to DISTANCE, but it sounds like you’ve already distanced yourself.

    Maybe for a while you might want to think about taking does or suspending your FB page, or at least taking down most personal stuff (where you live, phone, age, interests…)


    • Actually, that is a really good idea, Annie. I’ll do it right now. Thanks for that advice. It had not occurred to me. As for distance, I’m really on the mend. The more peaceful I become with my new life, the less Chef seems in his. And he is trying to maintain some power over me. Problem is, I’m not letting him. The 86ing thing really was a pathetic attempt, as I rarely have gone to anything with the club in the last year, almost never hear from any of them, and when I was really needing protection from Chef, they didn’t want to get involved. I had already 86th them in my own heart. So, big fat deal. I do really feel for some of the women in the past who had to go through this without the resources I have myself. I have the God, this blog, my friends on-line — many of whom have offered to take me into their homes or have sent me a little money to help me out — and some real, true-blue friends here in Oklahoma that have moved heaven and earth to help me out. I’m blessed beyond anything I’ve ever deserved, and I thank God for that. So, distance? Yes. Chef feels a million miles away from my heart, and that is just fine by me. The official act of 86ing me only helps me, not hurts me. And really…that was a bone-head thing to try to manipulate me with…lol!!! I’m going to go private up my page. I can’t get rid of it because that is how I keep up with my daughter in Japan, but I guess it’s time to start weeding out the chaff… 🙂 Thanks, Annie!!


  8. I have not been commenting a lot on your blog here lately because I just do not know what to say. I hate to hear all of this and hope things get better for you. I have been praying for you. I truly am blessed and hope and pray it stays that way for me. I cannot imagine what you are going through and I don’t ever want to go through it. I have been reading and thinking about your situation a lot here lately because a young woman from church came on to me, and I ignored here and brushed it off. I told my wife about it and then a few days later that same woman came to my wife trying to cause problems and lying on me about what happened. We are about to change churches. It would be easier to change churches than to deal with this situation. I am blessed because my wife knew it was a lie and corrected her with the proper details.

    Something you may want to do right now is start praying for guidance and protection from the wicked things of this world and the next by God and Jesus. Also a good passage you may want to read daily for a while is Psalm 91, especially read it before and after your prayer time.


    • I appreciate you sharing that with me. One thing that I had begun noticing about my husband was that he would start accusing me of doing the things he himself was guilty of doing, so believe it or not, I was kind of expecting something like this to pop up. Luckily, the man he accused me of this nonsense with has a stellar reputation, as I do, and I am very good friends with his wife. I warned his wife and him about a week ago that because Chef had hinted at that crap to me in a fight, that this was probably on the horizon, and we had been expecting it. I’ve become extremely careful about getting permission to talk to my friend E from his wife D, and I make very sure that she know anything and everything that he and I have ever talked about. There is no appearance of evil here, because there was none to be had. I’m very glad that you told your wife and that you made if very clear to the woman that you were not interested. I don’t understand women who try to stir up nonsense with wives, but Chef’s new girlfriend did the same thing to me. She wanted me to know she had “won” him. Of course, she can have him. I’m sorry that this all ended the way it did, but I’m not going to be treated this way. Period. As for her being in your church, you should probably go to the pastor about that. It didn’t work on your marriage, but you might save someone else’s. She needs to get rid of that nasty, fleshly spirit that makes her want to cause married men to stumble and to plant hurt and distrust in wives. You’d probably be doing her a favor. Thank you for the verse. I’m going to look it up right now. Thanks, Montana!!


  9. It is unbelievable (NOT!)….. what you are having to endure. You have such a strength that is coming through your post….yet being one of many friends you can understand that there is concern for your well-being. Perhaps the situation will improve since you still have friends in the MC and Chef will maybe do the right thing and call off everyone and everything that is going on against you. I do believe that God will send angels of protection to surround you…that’s what I shall pray. And that your life will settle down at least to what you can handle and move forward. May you continue to feel God’s presence…Diane


    • Thank you, Diane. He’s angry today. When he feels guilty, he gets angry at me…weird. So, I’m being extra careful. But honestly, I think he’s really only hurting himself and this brotherhood he loves so much. What a day!


  10. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t believe a word Chef says right now. By the way- if Chef ever gets serious about his drug problem, I’ve heard there’s a great place with good success, called Teen Challenge. It’s for adults, not just for teens. There’s a chapter in Broken Arrow, OK. Praying for you guys.


    • I’m afraid you are right. He is well on his way to becoming one prime liar. I hate that. He used to be exactly the opposite. He can get free rehab through the VA. He is clean from what I can tell, but he’s one ball of bitterness, anger, and guilt. I hate seeing this side of him.


  11. It sounds like not being a member of this club is going to be a good thing. And sadly, it sounds like your ex-husband is following in the path of a socio-path. The hardest battle that anyone has to face is themselves and no matter where you go, there you are. I will pray for you and your family. It sounds like you are on the path to healing but your ex is not at the moment.



  12. ahhhh I see that clubs – an men – in canada and usa are not so different mon ami 🙂 Stop taking everything personally. People are nuts. Accept..move on lol. It will sting less. i send you all my luvin 🙂


  13. I left for a while and came back to this craziness. I have a lot to catch up on. The most important thing is that you’re safe. I’m praying for you. Remember, this too shall pass.


  14. This is so very interesting, no matter how far from the truth it may be. Right now, if the Equator was the truth, and I was standing on it, Bird would be so far to the South, I could not see her, and Chef would be so far to the North I would not be able to see him either! The reason myself and many others have “86’d” BOTH of them, is because they are living in a fantasy, each in a different fantasy. Out of tough LOVE, we have turned our backs to both of them, because neither is right. We will not pick sides, they must sort this out for themselves. And to all of you that have taken a side, your not helping, your just enabling. They BOTH MUST come to grips with reality! We did not actually 86 anyone.


    • Hi, Hun,

      Let me be really blunt with you. Had you pulled your “tough love” crap back at the beginning of this year when I told Vickey that these people NEEDED to stop feeding him that crap, maybe we wouldn’t be in this position right now. I went to several of you and no one did a damn thing for months. By then, it was so pervasive here , he just found a local source, and you and I both know who it is. Funny. You did nothing to fix that problem, leader.

      So, first, you have no idea what is going on in the dynamic of marriage. Who are you to assume you do?

      Second, it is pretty presumptuous to assume you would have a better idea about what was going on in it than I do, or even Chef does. We lived in it…where were you again? Oh, that’s right. You were recovering from a motorcycle accident.

      Third, you 86ed me on Chef’s word that I was having an affair…one that couldn’t be proven because it never happened. Yet. you spent plenty of time with Chef and knew he was plastered most of the time, screwing around, and driving blitzed all over town in the early morning hours in his cut. Oh, but I’m a problem for you? Oh, spare me.

      You didn’t pull any tough love on me…What were you trying to get me to learn? Let my husband die if he wanted to? Let him be a meth addict if he wants? Let him screw whoever wants behind my back? Let him hit me, chase me with weapons? What exactly was this tough love suppose to teach me? And the day I need a daddy I’ll let you know. Ok?

      Butt your nose out of my business, because you and I both know, I can be a very worthy enemy. I don’t want problems with any of you, but I’m not going to tolerate intimidation. It isn’t hard to figure out who this is — only about 4 of you even know what the equator is, and only two of you own a computer. 🙂

      Chef just found that out yesterday not to threaten me. Would you like to also be included on that list? I’ve been leaving you alone…do you really want to do this with me?

      And here’s my advice. For once, someone grow some balls and use your own names. This little pop up throw away alias is pathetic.



      • Thanks for proving my point. To my knowledge, no one ever accused you of having an affair. You AND Chef were “86’d”, cause no one wanted in your business. Now if you think someone is threatening you, trying to intimidate you, stalk you, or anything of the like, PLEASE use every means (legally) to stop it, and to protect yourself. But I am sure, eventually everyone will see that this big “conspiracy” is only in your mind. IMHO, you should seek professional help ASAP. And in this case, Just because your paranoid, NO one is following you, NO one knows where you live, and furthermore, NO one cares!


        • I love how people say “to my knowledge” when they want to give the appearance that they were innocent of that kind of gossip, but know full well that was what was being said. You proved my point. I got that little nugget from more than one source, including Chef, and you go ahead and spin it any way you want to. Yes. You knew it was being said. You 86’ed me for it, remember?

          And if you were 86ing both of us out of tough love and to stay out of our business, what are you doing here on my blog, writing out your opinions? You have no problems jumping smack in the middle of people’s business. Why was it necessary this time? I’ll tell you why. I went public with the crap threats to protect myself, and you guys got some attention that you didn’t like. So, Chef had to go ’cause his ole lady was not controllable. Lee used to talk to me all the time about stuff like this. And if this was you guys not taking sides, why wasn’t Chef out at the same time as I was? Please. That is a lie and you know it. I guess you aren’t on the Equator of Truth after all.

          As for the threats, I already have taken care of them. And I’ll continue to be wary of any of you that come near me. You know full well this was a cluster because you lost control of your group. Leadership is a skill I’m thinking you don’t have. And believe me, it isn’t any of you I’m afraid of. It is the morons you guys attract that I’m careful around.

          One thing you might have forgotten is that I have some stuff sent to me in texts that have my motel and my car description in them. So, was I actually being paranoid, or did I have a reason to be careful? I mean, Gangland says you guys are badasses, right?

          Maybe, Hun, you might want to check with your club, support clubs, and riding clubs and make sure that no one is actually threatening me before you go blowing your load on here. This just shows me I bruised your ego and you just had to have the last word.


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