My Daughter Hid My Vodka and She Won’t Give It Back

Angry Talk (Comic Style)
Angry Talk (Comic Style) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ok. So, I wasn’t quite over all of this after all.

I hate sounding like a schizophrenic, but even worse, I hate feeling like one, too.

So, Chef has been playing this game with me called I Love You But I Love Her Too. Let me tell you right up front — this game blows, and the only one who ever wins is the person who thinks he/she is “in love” with two (or more) people. I’ve heard every excuse in the book about how this is my fault — I wasn’t making him feel like a man; my empty-nest emotions were too hard to handle; I didn’t take his motorcycle club dreams seriously; I’m not handling this like a calm, rational adult. Oh, please spare me. The upside to all of this is that, if this is all he has to swing at me, than good for me. I wasn’t such a bad wife after all. And now, I’m no longer the back-up plan, either. If a person can’t even accept that they’ve just done a really painful, stupid thing to their lives, and yours, then they aren’t going to be able to do all the hard work it would take to become trustworthy and dependable again. There has been so many lies, you can’t have any secrets for awhile. There has been so many ugly things said, you would have to filter every thing that you said carefully, and balance out those memories with lots of gentle, kind, giving words. You would have to help rebuild a broken heart, that you broke, and that’s hard…not impossible, but very hard. And I can’t even get a real apology from this guy. So, there you have it. I can’t be part of some weird triangle. I’ve bowed out.

Let me say this about admitting you’ve done something really, really wrong. There is no place for pride in it. People will always hurt other people, whether on purpose or by accident, but when you are apologizing, don’t try to spread the guilt. It makes the whole apology worthless. Own your crap. There simply is just nothing more beautiful and healing than a truly contrite heart. And there is no room in a contrite heart for blame. None.

I’ve been swaying between some hard emotions to calm ones; trusting the Lord and then panicking; feeling forgiveness and then wishing the guy and his new girlfriend would get hit by lightening. I know. Ugly. But, the truth is that I’ve been afraid of being angry. And sometimes, you just have to get angry. You have to rage, storm, cry, and if necessary, hit an inanimate object. And I’ve been so afraid that if I showed Chef just how angry I am, I would somehow push him so far away, he’d never come back. Well, guess what? That isn’t honest. It isn’t healthy. And anger in and of itself isn’t a sin. Only what you do with it, and repressing it with tons of vodka isn’t any less a sin than beating his face in with the cell phone he has all his “love” texts on. I’m owning it now. I’m pissed.

A few days ago, I sat down with Chef, listened to his tears about how conflicted he is, how hard it is now that he has no job, no home, and all of his club brothers are treating him like crap. He has no money and the guy he is staying with has roaches and it grosses him out. None of his laundry is clean, and he can’t afford to pick up his partial dentures. Life is really hard for the poor guy, and could I put some gas in his bike and buy him some cigarettes. 😮

I told him, I’ve had enough. You need to choose what you are going to do, and there are conditions to coming home. The first and most important one was to call his girlfriend, in front of me, and end it. Nicely or not, I don’t care. But that had to be done first before we could even talk about anything else.

He flat out refused to even break off his thing with the girl, much less in front of me. He said I was not going to give him ultimatums. So, I walked away, bought a pack of cigarettes for myself, put gas in my car, came home and drank myself into an almost coma. Sometime in the early morning hours, I went on-line changed my phone number, and then sent him a text basically telling him I changed my phone number and then saying things that I’m not going to admit here. 🙂 Yeah. I’m a rocket-scientist when I’m drunk.

So, Rebekkah took the rest of the vodka and now she isn’t letting me drink anymore. She’s a good kid, wouldn’t you say? I went to the doctor today, and I’m back on anxiety medicine, and I’m feeling stable…sad, a little lonely, but stable.

I miss all of you guys!

— bird

38 responses to “My Daughter Hid My Vodka and She Won’t Give It Back”

  1. We miss you too hun and you know what you have every right to be angry and I can put my hand on my heart and say you are being a hell of a lot more calm, rational and adult about all this than i would be because he wouldnt need gas for his bike after I had finished with it maybe a pick up truck to collect all the parts in but certainly not gas 😀


  2. Girl! I miss you, too. I’m so proud of you, standing up against being used. Chef’s gotta choose and stop playing games. And, even if he does choose, it may be too late. And well, that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Proud of your girl, Rebekkah, too. Glad you went to the Dr. cuz the booze is just self-medicating. Love to you – You’re walking a HARD trail. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.


    • Thank you! I do have wonderful kids, and they are handling their broken mother beautifully, and with firm determination. I know the booze was self-medicating. I have the best doctor in the world and his counsel was really, really helpful too. Thank you so much for your prayers. I need them!


  3. Well, you have been put through quite a lot…To be going through the trauma of the break up and then having him say what he did and have the audacity to not only ..not break up …but to ask you for cigarettes and gas money adding salt to the wound..

    I’m so glad you’ve got something temporarily to help with the anxiety and for your daughter….she is a good and wise daughter

    Anger is part of the normal process as you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel it and it has it’s place and time….

    But my prayer for you is for you to feel God beside you during each and everything you’re experiencing because He is there….and of course a ‘calm’ to follow the storm that you’re in right now.

    In my thoughts and prayers….Diane


    • Thank you, Diane. Anger isn’t a comfortable emotion for me. I don’t intend to dwell in this long. But, I’m thinking that if I don’t let myself feel it, just for awhile, then I will be willing to compromise with him. And that has got to stop. Thank you so much for your prayers…And yes, God sure blessed me with a wonderful daughter!


  4. “when you are apologizing, don’t try to spread the guilt. It makes the whole apology worthless. Own your crap. There simply is just nothing more beautiful and healing than a truly contrite heart. And there is no room in a contrite heart for blame. None.”

    Well said!
    Sounds to me like your going to have some big new levels of strength after all this calms down.
    Blessings to you!


  5. I miss you too!!!! I’m glad that Vodka has disappeared, don’t need you adding physical damage to the emotional damage -___-. And hey, even Jesus got angry once- righteous indignation certainly had itd place 😉 I’m glad you aren’t taking any crap, that stuff was meant for toilet bowls only! Take care of yourself!!<3<3<3


  6. I miss you too Bird. I am still praying and pulling for you. I am in awe of your grit and determination to not let this ruin your life and also for not loosing sight of what kind of person you really are. I still stand by my prediction that you will come out of this stronger and better. I wish you love and peace.


  7. I’m so sorry Bird. I think you are an amazing woman. So strong, even if you did some things that weren’t, like getting drunk.

    You’ve been real…not preachy, not pretending like everything is okay. It’s selfish of me to want/need to see that in someone with faith like yours, but your honesty helps people. People like me. I hate to even say that, because I don’t want you to think I don’t feel for you. I do. I’m so sorry and you were inspirational when things were good too, but…you still are Bird, not like it matters when you feel like you are falling apart.

    Sigh…I’m rambling. Sorry. I hope it makes a little sense. I am truly sorry that you are going through this. I love and respect you so much…I’m going to stop writing, before I seem too stupid. I hope you know what I’ve meant.


  8. Hi Bird,
    I feel like we have become close over he last few months you are important to me. I pray for you almost every day. I pray GOD sends you great peace and love that wraps you tight like a warm blanket. I pray for you to stay strong, stay close to Jesus as Jesus can make all things new again and put a smile back on your face.

    Cry when you need to cry, blow your nose and get back up again. Exercise and low sugar healthy foods will help you feel better. Take care of yourself, Love Melody


    • Thank you, Melody! Jesus hasn’t left me alone through all of this, and I can say with 100% honesty I’m not mad at God. He didn’t do any of this. Chef has a free will like all of us, and he just took a crappy path. I feel like we’ve gotten close, too. Thank you for always encouraging me, Mel.


  9. I wanted to like your post but I didn’t. Let me explain.

    I loved what you wrote, and how you shared with us. I hated hearing about your pain. I didn’t like hearing how your turd husband hurt you. So hitting the like button seemed wrong some how.

    You’re a great writer. Keep writing. If not for yourself, for your friends, old and new.



    • Even though I haven’t met anyone from my blog personally, I feel like I know a bunch of you. You’re definitely one of the ones I feel is a friend. Thank you for your encouragement!


    • Thank you for the kind compliment about my writing. I love to write! It’s nice that people enjoy it. 🙂 And I understand what you’re saying about not “liking” it. I do the same thing. I’m not hitting “like” on painful posts that show someone’s scarred soul!


  10. Dear Bird,

    It sounds like this guy has Narcissitc Personality Disorder. I just recently got over and done with somone like this myself. There is nothing wrong with you. It sounds like you and your emotions have been manipulated and played with. Good for you for refusing to be part of a triangle. I know where you are coming from traingles suck and liek you said the only one who wins is the guy with 2 pieces of the triangle.

    Hang in will get better…..




    • Thank you, Ivonne. Whatever it is, I hope it isn’t contagious. This side is very unattractive! Sorry to hear you’ve had to deal with this too. Sucks, doesn’t it?


  11. Bird, I think your emotions are quite normal. I know it was hard, but glad you kicked him to the curb. Also glad your daughter hid the vodka. 😉 God will see you through!!!

    Substitute your name in this verse:

    Isaiah 43:1-2
    Good News Translation (GNT)
    God Promises to Rescue His People

    43 Israel, the Lord who created you says,

    “Do not be afraid—I will save you.
    I have called you by name—you are mine.
    2 When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you;
    your troubles will not overwhelm you.
    When you pass through fire, you will not be burned;
    the hard trials that come will not hurt you.



  12. Bird, Chef may be destroying his life but don’t let him destroy your life as well. You deserve to be loved and adored. God can and will fill that void. Throw away the vodka and drop to your knees and Jesus will meet ALL your needs! Praying for you


    • I know you are right. Vodka is gone, and my daughter is babysitting me like a HAWK…But, I’m glad I raised a really stubborn kid..she’s one of a kind, that’s for sure. I’m okay now. I’m on anxiety medication, and when I feel like I’m spilling my juicebox, I have a healthier way to calm back down. I’m feeling way more stable.
      I feel sad for Chef right now. Life has dealt him a lot of crappy blows today, and I can’t help feel a bit sorry for him. Not enough to let him come back, but still, sometimes you can’t help but think “Wow. I’m glad I’m not you right now”. 🙂


  13. Haven’t been visiting your site for awhile and am really sorry to read that this has come to pass. (And it will pass. It will draw you closer to God and you will grow–but it’s still a dagger in the heart.) Wishing you the strength and courage you need to make it through.

    As for Chef’s excuses, we have an enemy that’s a diabolical lawyer; he’s got every angle and every excuse for getting us off the hook. If we follow his reasoning it’s always the other guy’s fault. (“And, yeah, mine a little. Nobody’s perfect.”) So why should I apologize.

    As for the woman who says she’s Christian and can be involved in this triangle, that is a fantastic deception (as in “fantasy.”) Though you may “hate” her in your human emotions, try saying a prayer for her. Jesus warns that many will be deceived–and the flames of hell are eternal. If God would give us each a glimpse–just two minutes in that place–what all would we be willing to clean up in our lives?



  14. You’ve been through a lot Bird. It will take time to get over it. Betrayl is a pain that cuts very deeply, but you are on the right track. You’ve got a great daughter. She loves her mom and wants the best for her. That’s beautiful!


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