Sometimes, shit happens.

It just does. You can’t control it and you shouldn’t try.

Life is like a tidal wave. You can either dive into it knowing you’re going to have to expect a brief loss of control as your feet come off the ground, or get swept away by the force.

It looks like the sea level in Tulsa rose quite a bit in my absence. I tend to make light of a lot of things, its my way. I have to make those around me and those I love smile. But as of late, its hard to do that myself.

A year has changed not just the pot hole covered streets, but the people that I used to know. I came home to a Father I didn’t know, a mother whose heart was covered in scars and still breaking, a sister who was helpless and mourning, and a brother who no longer smiled without having to ‘alter his state of mind’.

Everything has taken on a harder edge. I’m afraid I was prepared for how deeply it cut to realize I was trying so hard to keep that from happening, and failed.

Things will get better. I know this to be a universal truth. But now I just have to trust God, because now its his responsibility to make them smile when I can’t. I leave again soon, and I don’t want to go. This isn’t my battle, and I’ve been shown that several times.

I still wish that my family didn’t become soldiers on a different kind of war front. Things can’t be the same from now on. I just hope it ends up with more winners than losers.


7 responses to “Change”

  1. faithfulnibbles says:

    This too will pass..


  2. trish says:

    Love and miss you bug…Please be safe..


  3. Sorry to hear things are so depressing right now. I will pray for you. They say every blessing comes wrapped in problems. God Bless


  4. These things hurt so many people….and it is in God’s hands now..Diane


  5. Praying for y’all..


  6. Hugs and prayers toyou, your experience will develop you and this will develop them, His ways are not ours, He knows better… Blessings to you!


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