Change

Sometimes, shit happens.

It just does. You can’t control it and you shouldn’t try.

Life is like a tidal wave. You can either dive into it knowing you’re going to have to expect a brief loss of control as your feet come off the ground, or get swept away by the force.

It looks like the sea level in Tulsa rose quite a bit in my absence. I tend to make light of a lot of things, its my way. I have to make those around me and those I love smile. But as of late, its hard to do that myself.

A year has changed not just the pot hole covered streets, but the people that I used to know. I came home to a Father I didn’t know, a mother whose heart was covered in scars and still breaking, a sister who was helpless and mourning, and a brother who no longer smiled without having to ‘alter his state of mind’.

Everything has taken on a harder edge. I’m afraid I was prepared for how deeply it cut to realize I was trying so hard to keep that from happening, and failed.

Things will get better. I know this to be a universal truth. But now I just have to trust God, because now its his responsibility to make them smile when I can’t. I leave again soon, and I don’t want to go. This isn’t my battle, and I’ve been shown that several times.

I still wish that my family didn’t become soldiers on a different kind of war front. Things can’t be the same from now on. I just hope it ends up with more winners than losers.

-Bug