I have always been aware that I was one day going to die. I don’t know where the knowledge came from, only that it was there, ever on the edge of my mind. As a child, this 
knowledge manifested itself in a serious countenance, tinged with anger. As a teenager, it took the form of a kind of reckless spontaneity. As an adult, I believe God gave me a gift. I truly understand that I am already dead. I am walking around in eternity as we speak. Anything I gain or lose here on earth is incidental.
“Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For you are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” Col 3:2-3
So then the question becomes, how do I spend my time, since I’m dead already? I feel like I’ve mostly been twiddling my thumbs, waiting for the end. The bible says in everything give thanks, for this is the will of our Father for you. So then, learn how to give thanks in adversity and in peace. I can do that. For the most part, I don’t get too worked up anyways. Because, you know, I’m going to die, so it doesn’t really matter. But that doesn’t address the problem of specifics. Should I sign myself up to be shipped out to preach the gospel to the heathens? Should I walk the streets with a milk crate, from which I might shout out warnings of the upcoming end to passersby? Should I get a job at Wal-Mart bringing in shopping carts, and use my income to fund the acquisition of four walls to call home?
I really have no idea.
I don’t hear from God on this. I’ve only recently begun to learn how to hear from him at all. We’ve been battling radio silence from the beginning. I don’t trust stray thoughts to be from him. Now I know I have heard from him twice for sure. Neither time did he address the problem of what to do with my body. Only my heart. When I find out what the body’s meant to do, I’ll be very grateful. As it is, I have no home, no job, little education, and my belonging fit in a trunk, none of which I couldn’t live without. I’m starting to think that my sojourn here is going to be uncomfortable at best.
— Bekkie
Everyone Has A Story... Again 
4 responses to “Hope – by Bekkie”
This is such a wise post coming from someone who is somewhat new to the journey of figuring out God’s will. I think all of us newbies go through this, and some seem to get stuck in this phase longer than others. I would still be stuck in it myself except I was forced to study this exact topic through out the course of 1 of my 8 week long classes with Liberty University. I am going to put this on the top of my to-write-about list for my next blog post. In my newest blog titled “Spiritual Warfare, God’s Will, and Our Choices” I sort of hit on that when I said this, “God’s will for each of our lives include that which is called the “Great Commission” (I could write an entire post on this alone)”.
So Bekkie is headed in the right direction when she said this:
“Should I sign myself up to be shipped out to preach the gospel to the heathens? Should I walk the streets with a milk crate, from which I might shout out warnings of the upcoming end to passersby? Should I get a job at Wal-Mart bringing in shopping carts, and use my income to fund the acquisition of four walls to call home?
I really have no idea.”
The fact of the matter is, it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you practice what is the “Great Commission” (Mathew 28:16-20). Live to lead others to Christ. You can do that in many different ways. It might be that if you are a door greeter at walmart you tell each customer to have a blessed day. It might be telling your friends and acquaintances that you will pray for them. Perhaps it is in fact becoming a missionary or preacher, it can be many things. We have freedom to choose how we want to go about becoming “world Christians”. In fact, you may not realize it, but simply giving your testimony here on a blog is 1 way of doing it! But with freedom to choose, we should also be praying for God to guide us through our desires to live for Him! 🙂
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I hope you learn what it is God wants for your life. It is sometimes difficult if you don’t really have in mind what you are considering at all. He may not be ‘early’ in letting you know but he will definitely do so….Diane
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It’s in our human spirit to long for purpose. I remember one of my first reads as a newbie was Purpose Driven Life. I even had a bible study on it and can hold it again and again to remind me of how we are all made for His purpose. Just reading your post I see you get the biggest part of how to pursue your purpose. Continue to seek him and know that he is guiding you. He gives us previews here and there of the overall big shabang but everything has its purpose! God bless~Maribel
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I was in your place for a long time, Bekkie! And, finally, God is calling me to use my “useless” college degree (I majored in Spanish) to go serve Him abroad! It’s been a long process but I’m finally shipping out! Keep walking hot on His heels, and He will lead you where He wants you!
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