Lessons In Humility

I have a confession to make.

I haven’t written in almost two weeks for two big reasons. One is that I’ve been getting adjusted to working again and had a major

Chef and Bird – Oct 2011 – June 2012

deadline to reach, (which I did, Thank You God), and the other is more emotionally charged. It is because it seems that whenever I write that my marriage is getting better, something happens that throws me a curve ball again, and I feel like I’ve spoken too soon. I know it has nothing to do with what I’m writing, but I started feeling like I was “jinxing” the whole relationship when I write about it!

The whole reaction got me to wondering about why I seem to be such a “black or white” person. It seems to me that I’m either “all in” or “all out”. In the past, before Chef began his Midlife Crisis, a skirmish here or there never felt like it was anything more than what it was — a temporary disagreement. But these days, it seems bigger. It feels like if we don’t see eye-to-eye, I should start looking for an apartment to retreat to. It’s a new feeling to me, and I don’t like it at all. While it would be easier for me to stop talking about all that has happened in 2011 and half of 2012, I feel it would be like throwing away a lot of opportunities to learn things about my own character. And so, I’m going against my fleshly instincts to just pretend this is a Lennon Lost Year, and instead, embrace the very valuable lessons that I, and Chef, have had to learn about ourselves.

The truth of the whole matter is just that even before all of this started, Chef and I have always clashed on some things. It wasn’t World

Ignoring all of this would make all the hard work worthless. I won’t do it.

War III or anything. It was just differing opinions about a few things that neither of us are willing to concede defeat on. But even though it is pretty clear that we are coming out of the Valley of the Shadow of Darkness, nerves are exposed, and until some healing takes place, words and actions must be carefully thought out before delivery. This is something I do way better than old Chef does. 🙂 I told him that when it comes to decisions, I’m a chess player, and he’s a Tic-Tac-Toe player.

But, as the passage of time has begun to heal up some pretty awful wounds, I’m able to let little things bounce off of me, and he’s doing the same. And because I think satan would really, really hate it, I know I need to keep writing about all of this. It just seems to me that since I started writing and communicating with other people about my God and my marriage, he’s been attacking me on every level of my life I care about. If that isn’t a resounding affirmation I’m on the right track, I don’t know what is.

So, here I go. My marriage is most definitely on the mend. My Chef has been taking all the steps necessary to become well again. He has not slipped up in almost a whole month, and yesterday he apologized to two of our three children about how he has been behaving. A real apology that came from his own broken heart, and it wasn’t because I told him he needed to.  We’ve been spending time together, and he’s making  me laugh again. It seems like I haven’t laughed in a million years.


He still has some ways to go when it comes to my ability to completely trust him again, but I find that I can relax my guards more and more each day. Even though he and I fall on our faces a lot, we also have learned to get back up and try again. This isn’t a huge big lesson for me…I’ve spent much of my life with my face in the dirt. But for Chef, it has always been easier to walk away from a big mess he’s created and start over somewhere far, far away, instead of embracing the humility that goes along with mistakes, and begin working on fixing that mess. Yet, that is exactly what he is trying to do right now, and frankly, I’ve always been more interested in seeing him at least try to do the right thing, even if he consistently fails. It is the trying I care about more than the succeeding.

Humility is actually a very powerful thing if you think about it. What two words in this world are more powerful than “I’m sorry”? And what words mean less than “I’m sorry but …”? I’ve found in my life that most people I’ve encountered are completely willing to forgive you when true humility and repentance is shown. Everyone who has a crumb of self-awareness knows that we all mess up in this life, and when we deal with someone who has messed up, it is rather easy to forgive when that person admits to their blunders and apologizes for them, with out offering excuses or blame. Why do you think satan tries so very  hard to make us give ourselves and others excuses for our behaviors? It because that dilutes the true beauty of a real apology.

Yesterday, I watched my Chef put my theories on humility and real repentance into action with another person that he had indirectly hurt with all of this, and he got exactly the reaction I thought he would get. Forgiveness. Acceptance. Harmony. Peacefulness. It was kind of an eye-opener for the guy, and it reassured me that God knew what He was doing. He is turning even this disaster area into something that will be a witness to His Glory.

I’m happy right now. I’ve been happy for weeks now. Thank you, Lord. And thank you to all of you who sent me emails and messages making sure I was still alive and kicking out here. I never forgot about you; I just needed to see if things were really on the mend.


— Bird


50 responses to “Lessons In Humility”

    • I just asked him, and he told me to tell you that he knows I mean the best for him and that it is good therapy for me. He says if it helps anyone else, it is okay with him. Sometimes, he feels a little nervous about having so much of our private life out there for the world to see. But he considers it a sacrifice, and he knows God loves a good sacrifice. Just thought I’d let him answer for himself. 🙂 The man loves me, and he knows this is something that helps me.
      — Bird


      • when b and i married, we learned the 3words, the 5words, and the 6words. of course, as the husband taking the lead, i had the bigger load with the 5 and the 6 leaving her with just the 3words.

        my job is to be able to say:
        the five words: “i’m sorry, i was wrong”
        the six words: “you’re right, you’re right, you’re right”
        to which she replies with the three words…
        “yes, I know”

        it’s worked so far for us…


  1. I got to say, I have experienced the same thing quite often. There are days when everything seems to be in my favour, even more than needed. That overjoys me, naturally I start talking a lot.. and then the bus goes downhill… Everything goes out of order. I feel like I jinxed my own good day. 🙂
    Glad the situation is getting better.. 🙂


    • lol…Thank you! How are you doing?? I’m woefully unaware of everyone’s lives these days. I’m going to try to get caught up this weekend. Are you doing well?


  2. Hey! It’s been awhile indeed. I’m really happy that you and Chef have both been working on things from both sides of the table and putting them all together. You’re absolutely right, the devil only attacks when he sees improvement and he knows that God is working miracles and healing into your life, so keep it up. Make that old ratty, manipulative liar work for each blow he tries to bring against you guys; God will be there to turn it around and make it better every single time. So go ahead and give the devil a well deserved view of your tongue in his face and remind him that you’re a guarded child of God. 😀 Take care of yourself, we’ll be praying for both of you. <3<3<3


    • It is so good to hear from you!! You make me feel so good!! I know we’re on God’s correct path, and that makes me feel stronger about the attacks. It is all going to work out….I feel it in my bones. How are you doing??


      • Yes it will!! I’ve been good, my longtime obsession with the show Bones and my books are all keeping me occupied 😀 oh, and work too 😦 lol


  3. So glad to hear that you are ok and that things are getting better for you and Chef. Like everyone else that follows your blog, I have missed your posts greatly. Even when you blog about the difficulties you are having, you still manage to find away to uplift the readers. You always end up blessing us with that indestructible humor of yours no matter how bad things have been going for you. I’ve been going through some challenging times myself recently and I’m always grateful for any chuckle you may throw my way. It’s great to have you back blogging again and I will continue to keep you and Chef in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and God bless.


    • You’ve always been a blessing to me, Lafgod, since the very beginning of my blog. I’m so sorry things have been rough for you as well. I will keep you in my prayers. And yes, having my old Chef back had been so wonderful. I’m treasuring every minute of it. Thank you for you kind words! And I hope you emerge from the valley quickly! 🙂


  4. I love what you said about you being a chess player and Chef a tic-tac-toe player. Love that! Keep plugging away Bird. Step by step..inch by inch…growth, healing, trust! Blessings to you and your family.


  5. I am so glad that to hear that God is in the midst, I never doubt Him for a moment, but He does like to wait and see if we are ready for Him to intervene. Glad to hear that you are feeling better. Continue to take it one day at a time, tell satan where to go and how to get there. 🙂 You and Chef are in my prayers. Take Care! 🙂


  6. It is true that when someone makes a mistake and you know without a doubt that they are sorry and don’t just make reasons or excuses for what they’ve done it makes the forgiveness part a whole lot easier. I’m so glad there have been huge steps made and understand how hard it must sometimes be to decide how much to say and to wonder if things will remain stable or will there be further ‘bumps’ in the road. As tough as it is I can say that when you come through ‘the other side’ of all of this you will have a much stronger relationship and marriage then before. The ‘trust’ part is the toughest but with time it will come…Diane


    • Thank you for the encouragement, Diane. I am optimistic these days, but while it is still rough and bumpy, it is at least heading in the right direction. 🙂


  7. Dear Bird, I’m so happy for you. I’m hoping that this is the start of the road to complete recovery for your marriage.
    Humility is so, so difficult. For everybody, but I think doubly so for the male of the species. Chef sounds like a brave man, and one that is truly sorry for hurt he had caused.


    • All this might have been easier if he wasn’t such a really neat guy all the way around. In the last month, though, and especially in the last week, I’m seeing his old personality returning and it is such a relief! Plus, I can see some spiritual maturity showing through, and that is even better. We still have a ways to go, but at least the healing has begun. Thank you, Zelmare.


  8. Amen! Well written! I loved this! Great Story and I’m thankful that you are sharing out here as hard as it is at times. You are on the right track! You know it! ♥

    Hosanna in the Highest!!!
    For His Love and Glory,
    ♥ Linda M


  9. good post! And so true–when you do anything for the Lord–satan will oppose you. yes humility is the one thing that is the hardest to have and the one thing that the Lord most wants for us. Pride is the real enemy. You are so right about apologies they work the best when we simply say we’re sorry and mean it.


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