I Love A Good Plan; Unfortunately, I Never Actually Come Up With One Myself

This is an example of a bad plan.

When I was pregnant with my very first baby, Rebekkah, I had every intention of being the absolute best mother on this planet or die trying. Most mothers aim high with the first-born offspring. The next year, I had my son Dj in accordance with my plan to have all my kids at once so they would bond with each other,  and I adjusted my goals again to a more reasonable level…I’d settle for being the best mother in Texas, or maybe just in the little town we lived in. Then, the year after that, I had Caitlyn, already sensing I might not have thought this plan out as well as I should have, but still committed to it. And to make things really interesting, both Bekkie and Dj learned to walk within a short time span, and Dj learned how to catapult himself out of his baby bed to the tile floor below. I suddenly found myself chasing a bunch of kids who had their own plans, and they were never any better thought out than mine were. I never factored in the possibility they would actually have their own opinions and desires, and they might not coincide with mine at all. By the third one though, I immediately aborted the plan and tied my tubes. I already had my hands full and my brain cracked a little more everyday until they turned 4 years old and I could actually reason with them some of the time. It was the longest, happiest, hardest, most sleep deprived 4 years of my entire life. And I have no idea how we all made it out alive!

With three children under the age of three to care for, expectations had to be adjusted regularly.  With age comes some wisdom, but it always seemed to me those snippets of knowledge always dawned on me a day late and a dollar short. At 23, I now realize I didn’t have one single clue what I was getting myself into, and it was probably the mercy of God that I didn’t make any really permanent mistakes. I didn’t think about potty training, teething, colic, or any of the other million things babies are known for when I launched my dream of children that loved one another. All the other really important stuff just didn’t occur to me until I was hip-high in dirty diapers and pacifiers.  And by that time, I was already committed, so it was a suck it up situation.

They still don’t cooperate with my visions no matter how much I want them to, and it would seem that they were instinctively better captains of their lives than I ever would have been. They are strong, unafraid, survivors, and they find things to love about life daily. ..They’ve always had their own plans for what they needed from life, and it wasn’t the exact same things I did. Fear doesn’t seem to be something they struggle with, and I am glad about that most of time. Then my son jumps off the roof barefooted, unafraid of broken necks, death, hospital bills or wheelchairs, but with the sure belief that he can fly if he really wants it bad enough, and I wish they’d gotten maybe a tiny bit more of my fear and less of my inability to really flesh out a decent plan. 🙂

I love all of you, and miss all your little faces. Please come home soon!!

— Bird



27 responses to “I Love A Good Plan; Unfortunately, I Never Actually Come Up With One Myself”

  1. Oh, How I remember those days of little ones and all that goes with it..You had 3 close..I had 2 16mths apart and then about 4 years till the 3rd…and young like you were…But sometimes I do look back with melancholy and wish some of that time back…(am I crazy or what)….Diane


    • I do too! I think we’re both may be a little nuts these days. But man, was it worth it! I wouldn’t go back in time and change a single thing. 🙂


        • I know what you mean. Mine aren’t impressive by the world’s standards I guess, but they are some strong, smart, determined little humans, and I’m one proud momma myself.


    I laughed and laughed at your expense, just now. Poor dear.
    I had a different plan, involving spacing kids so that one would be on his way before the next one arrived.
    20 years 9off and on) of diaper pail steaming in the back of the house. No one told me a child could be allergic to pampers. And slow to toilet train. I sure did burn the thing when kid #6 got trained, though, and some of mine hardly even KNOW each other, being 20 years apart! 😉


    • Wow…I’m stuck on the fact that you continued to have kids after the third one, and over the next 20 years of your life…! You’re a brave woman! I don’t know if I would have liked doing stuff like night feedings and diapers over and over again like that either. It may have been hectic and mind-numbingly loud a lot of the time, but when the first one finished potty training, the second was up to bat, and then number 3 followed right after. Diapers were gone from my life forever.
      You poor thing! Did you have to use cloth ones? I tried “saving the earth one diaper at a time” for about an hour. Then the reality of rinsing out the contents made me decide the future generations will just have to figure something out.. 🙂


      • You are welcome, Bird. I’ve missed you, and little by little I will get caught up and be able to sit and read every one of your blogs I missed. Maybe it is time to cut down the number of blogs I follow so I don’t miss the ones I enjoy so much…lol.


        • I am probably going to have to do the same thing. I have a job now so reading 8 hours of posts a day isn’t going to work anymore! I have a certain few that I read regularly without fail, and yours is one of them. You made me feel a little bit better about myself today. Thank you for that. It was perfect timing…


          • Now, young lady, you should always feel good about yourself. You are a special woman, and I’m not the only one who thinks so. God made you special, unique, and loves you because you are his special creation! (Did I sound like a bossy older sister…lol?!)


            • Yes, I immediately wished you were my real, bossy older sister! And last night/today I felt His love really clearly; and I instantly knew that my time of rescue had begun. He wasn’t letting the attack go unanswered anymore. I feel like I’m in a bubble of protection at the moment but I couldn’t explain why. Something is about to happen, I’m thinking. Stuff feels different…


  3. We just got back from vacation and it was sooo hard to share a room with 3 little kids, by day four I was brain dead and exhausted. I got woken up 3 different times before 6 am and the third time was with a cold glass of water getting “accidentally” spilled on me by my 1 yr old. I still need a little time to appreciate their “littleness”


    • lol…Those memories probably won’t become dear to you for about 15 or so more years…I remember getting one baby to finally go to sleep just as another one was waking up hungry and loud. I asked myself a million times what in the world was I thinking?? But, thankfully, they became a little easier on me when they got old enough to communicate with words instead of mind piercing crying. 🙂


  4. I loved this post, Bird. I have never been married so do not have those kind of memories. I did have a friend who, after marrying at about 28, proceeded to have a girl around the end of her first year of marriage, immediately followed as quickly as possible by two sets of female twins. The first child was Downs Syndrome. So she probably had 5 kids in diapers almost all at the same time. I can’t even imagine it! I love kids, but one at a time, thank you, is all I can handle. Of course when you get to 67, what you can handle isn’t what you can handle at 20-something. 🙂

    I’m having the same problem as For His Glory – too many blogs to read every day. I have had to pass by some because there just isn’t enough time if I hope to do anything other than reading blogs all day. The problem is, there are so many good ones – yours included. How does one choose?


    • It is not easy. I have my set 5 or 6 that I read and interact with without fail. Then, I skim through my emails and click on titles that leap out at me. It’s been working pretty well for the most part. I had to admit defeat when I got my 608th follower.I’m humanly unable to read that many posts in one day. ..not that I didn’t give it one heck of try!!


  5. Our problem as moms, Bird, is that we think those children are going to conform to our plans for their lives, when we should be praying that they will seek to fulfill God’s plans for their lives instead. I, as a mom, would consider myself a horrible example of a mother, and I have failed in so many ways because I did want them to do it my way. Now as an old lady, and a grandmother I’ve finally realized that my real mistake is that what I should have focused on is praying for them and putting the Lord as a foundation in their lives and showing it in my example instead of the opposite in my frustrations with the choices my children made. Heaven knows that God created them as unique individuals, just as he created me to be, and I don’t know how many times the Lord has reminded me of that during those times of frustration. Yep, he chastised me for being narrowminded about my children…lol. Now, I see that I have to love them, let them know that I love them, and yes, still be a mom who offers direction and reminds them daily that they are loved by me, but most important by the Lord Jesus. I’m still going to be frustrated at times, but I’ve learned to take that frustration to the Lord, and not aloud to the world…lol.


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