Have any of you guys ever seen Tommy Boy starring Chris Farley and David Spade? There is one scene in the movie where Tommy (Chris Farley) is using a roll to describe how he ruins his own sales. He starts out gently petting the roll/sale, then, as he gets more and more excited, he, without fail, ends up destroying the roll/sale.
Well, at the moment, I’m afraid of doing just that. My friend Sara that I’m always talking about these days is feeling a God-shaped hole in her spirit, and I know Jesus is ready to step in and light up Sara’s life.
Unfortunately, I’m not a gifted evangelist. I’m just some broken brained girl who loves Jesus. But, Sara, I’ll try to answer with God’s help…just don’t judge God by my clumsy attempts and poor ability to express what I really am trying to say..
Sara wrote this post, My Grandma’s Bible, and as I’m sure all my Christian friends will be able to tell, it probably sounds a lot like the cries of our own souls, made in the darkness, when Jesus finally answered. I won’t go into much of this post in detail, except for the one question that I think God is directing me to answer:
“How the fuck could you let this happen to me?”
I have at one time asked God this very thing. The disgusting things that the molester did to me stained every part of who I was for a really long time, and it was a fight to stay alive physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. What he did cost me my family, my self-esteem, my clear conscience, my sexuality…the list goes on and on. And in order to continue to trust and love the Lord, I needed Him to answer this same question. And He did. Here’s the answer I received:
First: God gave mankind a free will, and He never infringes on it. God was not the author of the abuse that happened to you. He is the Healing for what the abuser has destroyed. The abuser used his free will and over-powered yours. He is the guilty party…not God.
Second: We all are given our talents for a reason. My gift from God was directly related to what happened to me as a child. Because I had been molested and misused, I am able to understand what happens in the very soul of a person who has had this same thing happen to them. I have been where you are, and because Jesus has shown me the way out, I have the road maps– both to meet you where you are, and to help you back into the light. Ask yourself this. Would you trust someone to understand if they had never experienced the same kind of thing? Trust for people like me and you takes on a whole new meaning in the light of what has been done to us. It follows along the lines of God sending Jesus to earth to walk among us, because how could we have trusted Him if He had no point of reference to understand how painful life can be? I look now at what happened as my training, in order to help others that were hurt the same way. Street cred, remember?
Third: I’ve learned the true power of forgiveness. No test that I’ve ever had to pass again will compare to this first one. Each day, I am amazed at how thoroughly Jesus is healing me, and yet allowing me to remember, to feel, to guide, to help. Believe it or not, it is like that nightmare horror in my past armed me with the tools I would need to take on satan. I find things like this are powerful swords and sturdy armor in my war against my real enemy — Satan.
Fourth: God can take the questions, Sara. He isn’t offended by our pain, and He does promise that he collects all of our tears, and there will be a day when he will wipe the last of our tears from our faces. Some people were given one talent, while others received two, and yet some receive 5 talents. Guess what? People who have had to come back from the kind of trauma you and I have had to come back from are the ones who are given the 5 talents, and the rewards are greater in heaven because the sacrifice was bigger down here.
I really hope I didn’t just confuse or destroy my attempt to answer your question. Know this, I pray for you because I have developed a love for you…we’re like kindred spirits. And I think Jesus led me to you because He wants to comfort you. He wants to turn your tears into laughter..just like He did for me.
Be happy, my Sara!