You Told Your Wife What?!

Yesterday, I watched an episode of “The New Adventures of Old Christine“, in which Old Christine runs into a boy she had gone to high school with, who had ruined her reputation back then by lying about having made it to second basewith her. …Poor Old Christine. Cry me a river. The liar had grown up to be attractive and had a job. Don’t ask me to feel all that sorry for you. My experience with this kind of lying involved a man who was at least

The New Adventures of Old Christine
The New Adventures of Old Christine (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

10 years older than me, had a lazy eye, and weighed about 300lbs, and didn’t seem able to breathe from his nose, causing him to constantly have his mouth open..A mouth-breather, if you will….I kid you not.

My very first job was working for Pizza Hut in the Rio Grande Valley. I was 16 years-old, and psyched about having a real job that paid real money, and gave me an opportunity each day to get away from a stressful home. I plowed into the experience full throttle ahead. Even more wonderful was the fact that Audra got a job with Pizza Hut, too, only at a different store. I was optimistic about the future, at last. Quickly, I was being “groomed” by A to be a shift supervisor.

Let’s call him A. for appalling.

Because I’d rather be anywhere in the whole world but home, I was the “go-to” employee whenever management  needed someone to work late, or cover for someone else, do extra cleaning, etc. I was on my way up. The future was wide open….

But the shine started wearing off when A, who was a manager there, started hitting on me. At first, I didn’t pick up on his subtle hints…I mean, I was 16, and he was something like 26, so he wasn’t a “contender” to me. He was old as dirt in my book. Added to the age difference was that his physical appearance was ….unappealing. He was severely overweight, always sloppily disheveled, breathed with his mouth open, and his crowning glory was a severely lazy eye..I just wasn’t feeling the love, if you know what I mean.

Eventually, A. stepped up his game due to my lack of response to his gestures of love, and I was in the awkward position of being sexually harassed. I don’t respond well at all in these situations, and after a particularly harrowing moment in the girl’s bathroom, I threatened to tell his wife what he was doing. He backed off, but I quit the job right after that. He’d ruined it for me.

Fast forward several years. I am married to my first husband, and the mother of two kids. D., the kids, and I are walking calmly through the mall, minding our own business, when an insane woman comes up from behind me, and starts to kick my ass. She was hitting me in the head, and kicking me with her tiny, booted feet..It was surreal..People don’t generally want to beat me up. Unfamiliar territory for me. Add to the fact that I’m holding a baby while trying to fend of Psycho Bitch here, and it was an odd moment for me. I just never saw that happening to me ever…As D. is basically pulling her off of me, I am trying to understand what has just happened here…That is when I see her husband standing  there watching the whole drama play out, mouth slack, with a tiny glimmer of glee in the eye that was actually pointed in my direction…It was A.

My husband got the woman off of me, and when I could focus on what she was saying, I thought I’d just throw up. Evidently, A had “confessed” to her about our alleged “affair…I, of course, maintained my innocence to the crazy wife, and then again to my weirded-out ex-husband, but deep down I knew…There was no way to prove my innocence. It was a “he said/she” said kind of moment. There was no way to get this man’s stinky stain off my reputation.

So, Old Christine, don’t ask me to feel sorry for you about Mr. Gorgeous lying about second base. I have Mr. Mouth-Breather in all of his glory, who was willing to endanger his marriage just so his ego would feel better if people thought he had “tapped that”. And you have to admit, people like A. shouldn’t gamble on getting a second chance at marriage…

Just a a peek into my weird life…

— Bird

36 responses to “You Told Your Wife What?!”

    • Weird always finds me, no matter where I am..Lucky thing for me, though, because I like to write my stories, and there are bunch of them… 🙂


    • Right? I don’t know which was worse – that his wife bought his bull story, or that my own husband had to have me clarify that I had NOT had an affair with this gross guy! I cringe to think of all the other people he probably told…Ewwww.


    • Last guy to hit on me was about a month ago, and he was younger than my youngest child. I told him to go home, go to bed, and finish school… 🙂


      • HAHAHA! Well, some boys just have a thing for gorgeous cougars! Say sweetie, thanks so much for the nomination, and I’d love to play the game. Where do you go to import the award patch?


        • Cougar…lol! As far as the award patch, I just right-clicked on the person who nominated me’s page, and then copied and pasted it on a word document. Then I saved it on my computer and imported it into my post…Getting it on my blog page was a huge pain in the butt!


  1. Oh, wow. Very well written and quite weird! I can’t imagine something like that ever happening because it’s so surreal. I hope he has kept his severely lazy off of you since that incident!


  2. Make it A for asshole! What a crazy bastard. Isn’t it appalling what we had to go through as young women? I remember not being equipped with the right coping mechanisms to fend off creepos like this. Fortunately I taught my daughter. She’d kick ass if this ever happened to her! I’m telling you real life is much more real than tv will ever be.


    • You aren’t kidding about that! It is really makes me laugh to remember what I had to deal with in the beginning of my employment experiences compared to what constitutes sexual harassment now…lol..I could have owned Pizza Hut if this had happened a week ago…lol


  3. Wow. You poor thing. Wow.
    So sorry such a thing could have happened to you. But you surely did handle it right, for the times. Did you have trouble finding a different job after? Just curious.


    • No. I was a little teen-age girl, and a waitress to boot. Quitting without notice to that schmuck was one of the high-lights of my life back then.. 🙂


  4. Ugh! That’s terrible. I have so much I want to say to this right now, but as that I’ve been debating whether or not to write about it in full, I’m hesitating. Let me just say that I had a similar ‘unpleasant’ situation unfold between myself and my first fulltime boss… but not only was he old and physically unattractive to me, but I’d looked up to him as a father figure for a long time before he started crossing the line.
    As for the wife attacking you with a baby in your arms… wow! The ignorance of some people just blows me away.


    • Oh, yeah! You should write that one. I would be very interested in reading it.

      Right?! Trust me, the bystanders watching the whole thing go down, weren’t saying crap about me…I just was so dumbfounded, I just was protecting my baby, not saying anything. Can you believe that???


      • Well, if I were there I’d have said/done something… probably not the best thing, but I sure as hell wouldn’t stand by and watch something like that go down… it’s rather irksome to think others did.


        • yeah..that had occurred to me after the whole thing happened, but who knows? The whole incident only lasted a minute or two, and it takes me that long to register what is really going on around me. I guess I just live too much in my head…the real world is overwhelming to me…I’m the one always surprised by people’s behaviors — and yet, I’m also in the Bullshit club of people who have first hand knowledge of the things that go bump in the night. There were Monsters in my life. So, you’d think I would always assume the worst in people, but I don’t. I have no idea how that happened…


          • I have a pretty good built in bullshit meter myself… but oddly, I don’t naturally jump to the worst conclusions about people either. Consider that a blessing; the alternative is being cold and dead inside, and that would suck.
            Shit happens in this life – you know that, I know that, and there’s not always a lot we can do about it, but you shouldn’t let yourself worry/stress/fret about the stupid shit that other people have done to you in the past. Do your best to let go of the old stuff to make sure that you’ve always got room for the new (and hopefully much better) stuff.
            Besides, karma has a way of working things out in the end.


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