Label Me Correctly, Dammit

Today, Chef accidently started me down a road that I’ve now been exploring for hours, much to my head’s chagrin. I now have a mother of a headache. Originally, I was ordered by His Chefness to find fellow Manley Biker Bloggers so he could follow their work, and learn from their blogging wisdom. Or make a friend, whichever worked out.

But, as I do, I got distracted by the opinions of the professionals about what constitutes a Real Biker Chick.

Of course, I was immediately concerned that people might be getting My Stereotypical Label Wrong. I mean, in this Politically Correct Day and Age, stereotypes are fading fast and soon none of us will belong to any individual groups, but we’ll all be lumped together in a Horror Show One World Order Of Political Correctness Kumbaya Thing…. We’re almost to the point where common

sense and honesty are no longer more important than “not hurting someone’s feelings, self image, self – esteem, selfishness, blah blah blah. Here is the definition according to me:

politically correct – Not telling people things they either don’t want to hear, or even acknowledge to themselves, or don’t want you to be the one telling them the stuff they don’t want to hear. Or not telling people what they want you to say to them. It is tickling people’s ears, instead of giving it straight and honest to them. It is trying to please everyone, and ending up pleasing no one….and losing your ass over a bridge…:-)

.Don”t you see? Without some kinds of stereotypes, you’re wiping away about 90% of the things we laugh at, and you are guaranteeing that people live with a lot of pain and sadness, because they do not learn to laugh at the uncomfortable parts of their lives, but instead hold onto the pain forever…When I laugh, I can feel the physical pain that my childhood saddled me with, melt away. You should listen to some comedians, and count how many stereotypes they take shots at.

So, in the name of laughter surviving on earth, I want to be stereotyped, if you please. It seriously doesn’t matter what people are going to say about whether or not I’m a bona fide Biker Chick. .I take absolutely no self-esteem, whether it be the good kind or the damaging kind, from people disagreeing with something as silly as a stereotype of my Biker status. And I do mean inconsequential things, not like stereotypes  that seek to hurt or destroy races, or religions, or people in general. I just mean the nonsense ones we deal with from day-to-day that groups us up in nebulous, nonspecific, but hilarious ways.

A good percentage of blogs that I pulled up “biker chick” with, either hated bikers and were making fun of them,  or they were news magazines reporting on the latest biker criminal crap that decorates the daily news occasionally, or stylish biker attire, for the Biker Chick who never actually rides on a motorcycle..ever…But suspects she would look awesome doing it in those heels if she ever did become a bona fide Biker Mama….

The Dating Place: A random click linked me to a Single Biker’s Dating site, “where you won’t feel like you are sticking out because you are surrounded with people just like yourself”… Yes. That’s what I want!! Blending is the ticket! Then, I looked through the ads, and I was a tiny bit offended. This is where you thought I would be surrounded by people who are just like me, Google? I beg to differ….Single Biker’s Dating.com isn’t attracting the cream of the crop, if you know what I mean.

So, here is some stuff I was able to uncover and study intensely today about Biker Chicks, along with my thoughts, hopes, dreams, yada, yada, that I thought you would enjoy.

What Basic Criteria for Being A Real Biker Chick Do I Need To Be Real?

Absolutely nothing. None of the so-called “It” People of Biker Culture Knowledge Community could agree on any basic characteristics or features/actions/situations.. Well, other than one– the must-have for any Real Biker Chick is someone in the house has to own a motorcycle.

…..Apparently the opinion at some sites is that I have not actually been a real Biker Chick this entire last decade. According to other websites and quotes, some which I’ve included on this post, I’m woefully uneducated in how I should dress (high heels, tight jeans, leather halter tops) to show off my Beautiful Biker Chick Image. I would get laughed out of the state if I showed up in high heels at a rally…, ….

….what kind of dental plan I should have (Or rather, not have. Evidently, hard-core Biker Chicks are always missing some teeth..), This would be a deal breaker for me.

….I should always be carrying some form of weapon..Iol. I meet this standard.  🙂

… I should be willing to sacrifice my entire sexual existence, my peaceful conscience, and my physical purity, not to mention my spirituality, my belief in God, and any ability in the future to ever trust a man again, should my man want or need me to do something sexual to help a brother out..,Creepy, and I have never seen anyone do this, or even hint that it is done.

.. No. That kind of sacrifice is too big, too evil, and I wouldn’t play along. Should that suggestion ever be spoken in my home, someone will lose a lovely pair of testicles. Just saying. This is the garbage I hear on Gangland and Outlaw Bikers that makes me yack.

….And what exactly would I be willing to do to make my man happy? His happiness is of paramount importance to the Motorcycle Club gods….Well.. . I am his partner, wife, and his friend…. not his Fairy God Mother..Not his slave. I’m am different, but equal. ..

… Do I have a dangerous, mysterious aire about me? You guys do  remember the last time I thought I’d try to look dangerous, right? People thought I was constipated.The only air  I have about me is one that screams “Oil of Olay”.

INTERESTING INFORMATIONAL SITES I GLEANED KNOWLEDGE FROM ABOUT MY STEREOTYPE DILEMMA AND MY THOUGHTS ON THEIR WISDOM AND OPINIONS:

Up first, we have this little jewel —Freeriderspress’s Definition of a Biker’s Chick – He isn’t too far off on some stuff, as far as what  I have always understood about Biker Chick rankings, but he does say at the end of his long, winding rant that if I don’t drive my own bike, then I’m just “a character in someone else’s fantasy”. Mmm.

Message to Mr. Freeriderpress: So, I want to clarify this and show you my credentials.  I know how to drive my own bike (true), used to own my own bike (true), but am safer riding behind my 35+ years of experience husband(very true). Plus, frankly, I sucked at driving my own motorcycle.. I’m not graceful, attentive, nor am I an adrenaline junkie, so what was the point? Chef drives safer, faster, and better than me anyways.

Please note: .I have never been a character in someone else’s fantasy that I know about…and if I show up in one of your fantasies, you’d better wake up and apologize!! What are you writing here, a piece about Biker Chicks or a Biker Chick Porno Script??

Riding your own bike doesn’t make you a biker anymore than driving a Honda makes you a drag car racer.

This next one I’d like to title, Trying Out For the Team.  I spent some considerable time at this message board because every few posts or so, some chick would try to turn the subject to sex and how beautiful she is, and how available she it right at that moment…Does anyone want to be her friend? She was flirting, before all of God and Men, right there on the message boards.

I was actually losing interest in people’s opinions about my biker chick subject; In fact,  I have forgotten every one of their opinionated diatribes about what constitutes a real biker chick ; Instead, I  became fascinated by this Trolling Biker Chick Wannabe looking to electronically pick up some company for the evening.. I tried linking the site to her entrance into the discussion in case you wanted to marvel at this yourself, but I keep ending up somewhere else…

Well, Que Sera Sera.  I went through that Harley Message board for hours, forgetting my initial quest. Instead,  I searched for the one person that would answer her mating call for attention. I figured someone would notice, and say something, even rudely, or dismissively, but no…… It was radio silence for the Biker Chick Hopeful. The conversations between the other members,though, went on without a bump or hitch. ….. Seriously. I mean, you have to wonder – did all these people know her, and was she 86’d forever? Out in Bad Standing? Excommunicated? Wow. Not one guy was desperate enough to invite her to a secluded chat room for a little loving. I find that almost impossible to believe with the vast knowledge I now possess about the males of this planet and their internet / romantic habits in general.

I’m a little annoyed I can’t find my way back there because I’m not going to get to finish reading the little flirty comments she was making to the chatting men, and I will miss marveling at the stones on this girl….I couldn’t take that kind of  rejection as long as she did. Respect, Wannabe, Respect.

By the time-marks on her comments, she was fishing in that lake almost all night long… Lesson in this one: Sleeping with a Biker, alone, or having a Biker husband/boyfriend, especially a cyber boyfriend you’ve never actually seen,  does not in and of itself, make you a Biker Chick. As I’m sure Desperate Britches here below figured out.

From Harley Message Boards:

What’s a real biker chick? It doesn’t look like we’re going to agree anytime soon on what a “real biker” is so I thought we could give the real “biker chick” a try. Wouldn’t want to leave the ladies out, would we… I say a real “biker chick” needs to be older with some very hard edges (lots of miles) who works somewhere like a 7-11 to support her lazy ol man who only gets off his fat ass once in a while to do a crappy tat on someone…If you don’t fit in that category, you could maybe be a “biker babe” if you get the dress down good enough…

Tired of random people’s opinions, I went looking for some hard facts. Tangible definitions that I could hold up to myself in the light of day, and say Yay! or Nay! So, what better place than on-line dictionary.

Behold the definition of Biker Chick in the dictionary : 

“Phrase not found in the Dictionary and Encyclopedia. Please try the words separately:
biker chick
Can’t find what you are looking for? Try Google site search or help us improve by submitting your definition.  They want me to come up with a better definition, when that is what I was looking for from them in the first place….”Fail “

Lastly, I tried Answers.com, but it has no answers either, though they have asked all the important questions in life:

Is one of these your question?  | Unanswered 

Me: Yes. Now waiting for the answer….and waiting…and waiting.

What is the definition of biker chick? | Unanswered

Me: I asked you first.

How do you get hot biker chicks to give you head? | Unanswered

Me: Thank you for asking. This is my personal favorite question of all time…. Seriously, dude, if you are at this site with this kind of question, you aren’t getting laid by biker chicks, or probably any other kind of chick either…Good grief, Man! We ride with the Bad Boys of the Highways, Not the Basement Boy with his computer and a dream!!

How long does a chick stay a chick? | Unanswered

Me: Til he grows into a chicken
How do you get a chick? | Unanswered

Me: Buy one? Is this one a trick question?

Where do you get a chick from? | Unanswered 

Me: An egg.

Now, Answers.com, let me ask a few questions.

A) Does any one answer any of the questions on this site ever, at all? If not, change your name to Questions.com…It is more fitting and I won’t come looking for answers here..only questions.

B) Does this site have anyone administrating it, or at the very least, let’s let the guy who can’t get a biker girlfriend to give him a bj,  but thinks someone out in cyberspace will give him a magic recipe…let him log in and answer some of the easier questions? He’s going to have the time…I assure you.

Some after thoughts, just in my own opinion.  Biker Chicks don’t need bad dental hygeine, poor career choices, dead-end jobs,  leather halter-tops, or a stinky old man with a fat ass to make them Real Biker Chicks. Being a Real Biker Chick is an attitude that comes from spending hundreds and thousands of miles on the back of a bike, or in the front, with a select group of people. It is reaching out to the other bikers in the community you reside in, whether it be cultural or otherwise, and being there to lend a helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on, knowing full well they will be there for you some day too. Being a Real Biker Chick is 100% an attitude, not a list of qualifications.

Well, except for the motorcycle.. 🙂

— Bird

• Some Bikers Are the Good Guys (oyiabrown.wordpress.com)