Please Stay Out of My Panty Drawer

Yesterday evening, I swore offf watching the news. Forever. But, as my world often does, I was thrown a curve ball. My husband won’t jump on the anti-news bandwagon with me. I guess the upside of this latest little battle is that I would have missed the breaking news that is happening right here in Tulsa. A rogue exterminator has been caught rifling through a woman’s bra and panty drawer. It scares me to know just how close I came to missing this valuable little nugget of life. Here is the full story: Exterminator Caught in Bra and Panty Drawer.

I often ponder what makes people take the risks they do when it comes to decisions like this. For the life of me, why do men want to look at a woman’s underthings in a drawer?? I mean, I get it when men, being visual creatures,  want to see women’s bras and undies on them, but in a drawer? Has their brain snapped, and they finally believe that those stupid plots in pornos actually happen? Did he think the owner of said panties would say in a sultry voice,“Want me to try them on for you?” Seriously, people? Instead, she pretended she hadn’t noticed and then called the police as the door shut behind him. Happy surprise for the perverted exterminator….

Naturally, I had to make sure this never happens to me. So, in an effort to eradicate the temptation that my exterminator might feel about looking through my unmentionables, I’ve done the following:

1. I’ve wrapped each fluffy piece of panty-wear with a pair of my husband’s boxers; the worst ones I could find. Since I have more undies than he does, the bras and the remaining balance of underwear I’ve shoved in his socks. Well played, Bird.

2. I’ve emptied out the normal top drawer of my dresser, leaving instead all the self-help books I could find in my house. plus my extra Bible. Surprise!

3. I’ve relocated said underwear and bras, individually wrapped in the gnarliest, oldest boxers and socks I could find, to the junk drawer in the kitchen. Yes, it will be inconvenient, but no one would ever think to look there!…Unless they are looking for a light bulb…Now, that could be awkward later on….

Well, I have to go now. My husband is screeching from the bathroom because he can’t find any of his boxers or socks… :-). He’s just going to love this one…

— Bird