Be True To Yourself, Or You’ll Become Constipated

Don’t ask my why, but girls just seem to love “bad” boys. This never became more apparent than when my husband earned his patch, and became a member of a large well-known motorcycle club. Instantly, I was thrust into situations that I was ill prepared to deal with.

There is no culture that I’ve ever seen that rivals the biker culture for its attractiveness to random women. Slap a patch on the back of a guy, watch a few episodes of Sons of Anarchy, and these men become like catnip to cats. Add in the rumors that the media programs like Gangland and Outlaw Bikers fuel, and a marriage is suddenly launched into the midst of temptations that it has never had to experience before. And many years ago, this is where I found myself.

For a people watcher, this was an interesting turn for our lives to take. Not only could I see how my husband dealt with the issues of being in a club with a reputation, I also had a front row seat to watch how the women responded to being branded second-class citizens in this culture. And one thing I noticed right off the bat was random women’s willingness to physically kick my butt, thinking, I guess, that their physical prowess would immediately make my husband break up with me, and thus earn them a coveted seat on the back of his bike. Seriously, people?

Now, let me be clear. I am no fighter. Not when it comes to being physical. You want to sling witty insults at each other, I’m in. I can hold my own. But I’ve never understood the desire to “throw down” with another female. It all seems so ….unladylike…Add in the fact that I’m a Christian, and you can see, I had some real problems here.

Bikers hang out at bars. It is just what they do. And bars are the hunting gounds for lonely men and women, so it seemed that a lot of the times when we would go out, some random woman would decide I was the weakest woman in the bunch, and like a lioness cutting me off from the herd, would zone in on me to take down. Of course, my pack (the other club women), have never allowed these predators to be successful, and have done my “throwing down” for me, but still…it is all very rude.

My husband thinks it is absolutely hilarious. I mean, he knows I don’t like confrontations, especially the physical kind, and so for some woman to think she’s going to “take him away” from me, just makes him laugh and laugh. And a note to those aggressive women out there: my husband finds a woman who fights repulsive. If you kick my butt, you are guaranteeing he will NEVER look your way again, as a friend or otherwise. He finds the practice unbecoming of a lady, and he only married ladies…FYI…

It quickly became clear to me that I was going to have to work on my own image, or else take a karate class or something. I can’t be labelled the mark every time we go in to a public place. So, I began to work on my “dangerous” and “mysterious” look. My aim was to not look like the weakest one in the place, at the same time, be able to avoid having to fight for my turf. My husband made me stop with the mysterious look, though, because he said I just looked constipated, not dangerous, and he was tired of people asking if I was sick..ha..ha. Very funny.

I am happy to report, though, that these days, this phenomena doesn’t happen much anymore. The up-side to being the weakest woman in the pack is that the other mama-bear-fighting-women have taken me under their proverbial wings, and protect me from the great expanse of fighting women in the lonely world of bar memberships. Win/Win.

One thing I’ve learned from all this motorcycle club stuff is that I am not letting what an expanse of club members and their women think about me change who I am. I’ve earned my little place in the “family” and all without having to “throw down” to get it. I wear my Star of David with my cross around my neck, and I’ve had a surprising number of discussions about Jesus with the people your parents warned you about. I’ve had people who have lost someone show up at my house in the middle of the night, wanting some answers about my God. I’m known as a Christian, and that makes me happy.

No matter what situations or clubs you find yourself in, being true to yourself and to what you believe in is the one way to earn respect from those around you. Trying to be what you are not is only going to make people around you think you are constipated!!

— Bird

If you get a minute, check out this article: So, A Child Molester and a Little Kid are Walking in a Forest…. I wrote it today for 20 Lines A Day… Thanks! 🙂

38 responses to “Be True To Yourself, Or You’ll Become Constipated”

  1. Ha! Another awesome post, Bird. My brother wrote a book about his experience in the Harley culture (John Newkirk, The Old Man and The Harley, Thomas Nelson Publishers) and generally he found them to be a pretty exceptional, kind hearted bunch of guys. Looked pretty darn scary, but generally really nice.
    Hilarious to get the female perspective!

    Keep it up!

    Much love,



    • Thanks, Victoria! My brother wrote a book, too. It is called How to Knock Over a 7-11 — You can find it on Amazon. Small world, right?

      Yeah. I was terrified when he first started in this club, but they are for the most part, normal guys and girls. Who knew??


      • Ha! Is it a biker book? I will totally get it! Who knew, right? John took a cross-country trip on his harley with my 92 year old dad riding b____. The bikers were adorable and took great care of him!


        • No. Mike is a pastor, and the book is about how he built his church on a prayer and a dime. I read it, and it is hilarious — he’s funnier than me — I have no idea what he thinks about all this biker stuff I’m involved in now…lol. His name is Michael Cheshire. Let me know what you think… I’m going to look for your brother’s book too. How weird!! I love stuff like this…


  2. thank u so much for sharing this Bird….as my husband starts to move up in the MC world coming from an RC world i have my worries and fears…but i know what an amazing family this is. Im glad to know there are other wifes that have felt what Im feeling now as Im not new to this world but new to this level….


    • We all started new to this thing…Just be yourself, be kind, and pay attention to what’s going on around you. It definitely has its perks!


  3. have to like this – too damn true on many levels

    one band I had played one time at a clubhouse, and we invited people – bikers called Satan’s Choice out of Toronto, long long ago -their ‘perceptions’ and our reality were very different


    • Thank you so much, diaryofasuperchamp! Thank you for checking out my site. An you’re right. People are way too complicated to be judged solely by their covers..


  4. Bird, great post that I’ll have to forward on to a friend. But your descriptive adjectives and all made me feel like I was right there; well, not when you were constipated, but you described that scene hilariously! I need some lighter fare like this!


    • That’s such a sweet compliment! Feel free to pass it expression I have that Chef doesn’t recognize is described as a “constipated look”. lol..


  5. Hi Bird,
    thanks for visting Mybroom.
    I’m getting that you have had your share tough stuff, but I like that your ‘living healed’.
    greetings from Oz,


    • Thanks, Graieme! I am pretty happy these days, and even when the tough stuff shows up, I’ve learned to survive. Thanks for dropping by!


  6. Very good, Bird! I guess people haven’t heard of “Bikers for Christ” or the biker group “Soldiers for Christ”. Both mix in the biker scene so they can share Christ with bikers all over the world. They look just like every other biker, even the women…but their heart is for Christ Jesus. They have a ministry that most “clean cut” Christians would not understand and it is an important one. As someone who also at one time was a “Biker Chick” I understand what you were going through…being short and petite I was the weak one too. I also had to practice the cool, tough, chick thing, especially since I didn’t get into some of the wilder sides of being a biker because I was a Christian. I also was still dealing with a lack of self-esteem and found it hard to stand up for myself. I had to learn just to be myself, that many of those in that life style are looking for the same acceptance I was, but they are watching and when they see someone who has a heart for people they will reach out and open up. You keep being a Christian witness to them, be the Bird that know that God’s Eye is on his little sparrow, and who knows you might be the one Jesus uses to change Bikers for Christ into Biker Nation for Christ.


      • You are welcome…by the way, those who were more ready to judge you, than critique just your writing…they were being Pharisees, and would have done the same thing to Jesus. On the other hand…Jesus would have probably been doing what you do…riding a bike with them, eating with them, and sharing His Father’s love and mercy too. So keep it up!


  7. A few years back I worked at American Motorcycle, pre-marriage. Big, bad boys would come in and curse their old ladies, make all kinds of off color remarks – until they saw me in the office. The apologies couldn’t spill out of their mouths fast enough. My son was a mechanic there and thought it was pretty funny. Sad thing was, the owner was a professing Christian who ended up dying from an drug overdose.
    Enjoying your blog.


    • People are really usually polite around me too, but profanity doesn’t really bother me. I know it is a sin, but frankly, when you see what I see in people’s lives, (as I’m sure you also see), there are bigger and more destructive things they are dealing with. And I know quite a few Christian addicts…I was one, too. Sad but true. Satan is good at what he does. 😦


  8. What an insightful perspective of God’s love. I love reading blogs by unconventional people. That’s because I guess I am one as well. Loved your writing style as well as you experience as a biker’s wife. If you see me some time on the road, wave. I won’t be riding a “Hog” though. I’ll be driving the 2001 Mazda with the dented up grill. :>) Thanks for following my blog, and thanks for sharing this delightfully uncommon post. I look forward to reading your other stuff.


    • It’s a deal. I’ll be waving at all 2001 Mazda’s with dented up grills from now on!! Thanks for the nice compliment, too. I really do appreciate it!!


  9. WOW, this is such a great post. My fiance rides and is a rather intimidating looking man, so I can relate to the “woman are drawn to him like a magnet “aspect. Something about it just draws them in. Shave your head men, women love it – I did 🙂
    I love how you approached this and I loved reading about it. I too am non confrontational, I am the anti confrontation girl.


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