Oh, My Rebekkah!
What a roller coaster love has taken me on! I’m sitting here in my room, after a particularly trying week involving Love, reading your post about your loneliness due to this powerful emotion, and all I can think is that I remember those feelings, Little Girl. I think any red-blooded human on the earth knows exactly how you are feeling right now. Maybe someone out there had only one crush that turned into love, and they not only had the good fortune to catch the eye, but also the heart, of the one they were in love with, and then they lived happily ever after forever and ever. …But I doubt it.
And, frankly, I don’t want that kind of boring, easy story for you either. It is my firm belief that the harder we have
to work for something, the more we appreciate it.
For a woman in her forties, you’d think I would have had more experience with being in love. My first flirting with the idea that there was someone out there for me, too, was, of course, Joe. (For the new comers, here is the short-lived, first introduction with my first love, here). And it ended abruptly, permanently, and embarrassingly.
I have other stories that I will probably write eventually about my first boyfriend, Scott. I was a freshman, and he was a senior. And he was in a band…’nuff said.
I have the story of Chris, who I wrote a 24 page, handwritten poem to. It rivaled The Iliad in my mind, and I could just kick myself for not holding on to it all these years There are so many songs that remind me of that Chris period of time when I longed to be his whole world, that I had to start listening to country music for a while, just to give my poor heart a break. You know how I feel about country music.
Then, there was the grown-up love that I failed at with my ex-husband, and the do-or-die love I have now with Don. By the time you are my age, Bekkie, you’ll have more than just this one story that you are experiencing right now, to tell. I know it is hard, but be patient. It will be worth the wait.
I know that doesn’t ease the pain you are feeling, but I promise you, nothing really will at the moment. It takes a little time to begin healing…but you will. I promise.
I guess, my Rebekkah, that you should know that loneliness can occur even within the security of a marriage. When the absolute, without question, perfect man comes along, there are still going to be the times that Love was worth it, and the times when you will wonder if Love has ever been worth it. Unfortunately, they go hand in hand. Loneliness and Love…Without one, you can’t truly appreciate the other.
Relax, my little girl. Enjoy this time in your life, when no commitments have been made, when you have the excitement of knowing that the best parts of being in love are stretching in front of you, not behind. The older you get, time will seem to tick by quicker, and before you know it, you will be sitting in your room, surrounded by the pictures of the children you raised, who are now on their own, waiting for your husband to come to terms with his own mortality, and you’ll feel alone again. Better to know now how to run to Jesus with those lonely moments…He literally will be the only One that will never let your love down. Ever.
I love you, baby.
— Rebekkah’s Mom