A Battle-Weary Wife

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” C.S. Lewis

I don’t know if there have been truer words spoken about this emotion we call love. As with everything else in my

Women with Broken Heart
Women with Broken Heart (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

life, satan is very good at delivering meaningful, purposeful blows to my life, and he has taken on my marriage recently.

I am no weak person. Through the storms of life, I have been broken and rebuilt by the Great Carpenter, and I have no doubt now that He is in charge. But to say that this isn’t a painful time for me would be a great lie. I find myself vulnerable, unable to erect protective walls against a person I don’t want to be protected against. As each day passes, I am aware that the more this proverbial house burns, the less it will be salvageable. Once the fire has destroyed so much, it then becomes a controlled burn situation, and in order to have a structure there again, it will have to be completely demolished and rebuilt from scratch. I fear that is what will have to happen in my marriage.

I hold on to my Father’s hand in all of this, and beg not for my life to be as I want it to be, but instead, I pray that He does what is necessary to save the one I love…Save him from this world, from the lies satan has told him, and most of all, save him from himself. I’ll be right here with a hammer and nail in my hand, ready to rebuild this love, once God has accomplished His will. But all the while, I know, that without him helping, there will be no rebuilding of anything…I find myself waiting for him to notice the fire…

I am awash with tears, fearful of change, and stubbornly holding on to hope….In other words, I am in yet, another battle. I hope to have my partner join me soon….

— Bird



31 responses to “A Battle-Weary Wife”

  1. Reblogged this on 20 LINES A DAY and commented:

    Having a hard day today, and I sincerely wish I could write poetry, because the way I’m feeling, that would have been perfect. Instead, I just wrote about what I’m going through…. Bird


    • Much to my chagrin!!! I just love poetry that rhymes!!

      This too shall pass, but it is exhausting. Pray for your dad, baby. He’s having a hard time right now…


  2. i have been hurt twice in a relationship and my heart has a huge wall around it. i am so afraid to let the walls down for fear of another pain and yet i am alone….go figure!!


    • I love the guy. I’m not giving up on him, and my heart can take it…I’m sorry life has devastated you. Maybe it is time to risk coming from behind your walls…


        • I have no idea how it happened. It evidently took me years to let all my guards down… I wish I had advice when it comes to love, but frankly, while I find it is worth it, I also find that it is one bloody hard thing to be in… 🙂


  3. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11


  4. You did write poetry…you wrote the poetry that is in your heart. Poetry comes in many forms, and I think what your soul just put down on this post was some of the most beautiful and heartfelt poetry that I have ever read. I write poetry, and most poets would long to express the emotions that you did in those words. My heart and prayers go out to you. May God bless you!


  5. There is but one rule to poetry, Bird – write from your heart and it is poetry. The Words spoken by the Great Carpenter – never did rhyme.

    Hang in there dear, He will rebuild your home – a true and wondrous home.

    Much luv and peace coming your way from Singapore – Eric


    • Thank you, Eric. And man! I’m so glad you pointed me to the spam folder…I found a bunch of messages in it…Now I’m going to have to apologize to all these people who probably thought I was just blowing off their comments and compliments!! You’ve just been a blessing all the way around!!

      Heartfelt Thanks from Oklahoma, USA!!


      • A pin prick of light in pith darkness. If each of us can do this for someone (other than family) – what a blazing world of love we’ll create…

        I don’t normally want the last word Bird, but felt compelled to reply.

        Your well-wishers will understand – as I said, WP can be evil 🙂 sometimes.


        • I had no idea WP was stealing my comments!!! So evil!! 🙂

          No kidding about helping a stranger out. All we can do is make sure WE are trying to brighten someone else’s day…Sometimes, like today, some of that kindness comes back right when we need it the most. I’m humbled at how many people have hurt with me today…seriously.


  6. Remember that in our weakness, His strength is greatest. I am adding you and your husband to my prayer list immediately. Where there is hope, there is life. Live in faith. Love in faith. God hears your tears and understands.

    By the way, poetry that doesn’t rhyme is more moving to me than poems that do. Sandy


  7. I’m sorry. I went through an extremely difficult marriage, and then a very difficult divorce 2 years ago, and it is devastating. God will make sure that what is supposed to be, will be – and if it’s not what you wanted, He will make you strong enough to cope with it.


    • Thank you for the words of encouragement, Zelmare. I have been married for over 20 years now, so it isn’t unfamiliar territory for me…I just want to know when we can get to the relaxing stage of our relationship, without having to constantly be on guard for what pitfalls we might be experiencing next. See what I mean??


      • I have my opinions on a marriage like that (I’m making assumptions from what you’re saying – and mine was a battlefield with the same problems occuring every now and again) but I’m not going there now. I’m hoping for your sake that things will change, and that the period of calm you’re wishing for, will come soon. 🙂


        • I do appreciate your support.

          Like all of our other battles, I have the hope that this one will be won…by me…lol. The fact that I will NOT be defeated easily is what usually gets us through these things… Our stats at the moment are:
          Bird – 1,345,654,987 to Don – 3. There is reason to hope…


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