My Thoughts on Marital Arguments

Yesterday, I spent the entire day on the back of a motorcycle flitting from place to place with my husband as we ran errands together. It was a beautiful day for riding. I enjoy times like this also, because there is something soothing to my husband about these pretty days riding in the wind, as he puts it.

Because motorcycles are really, really loud, you tend to spend a lot of time thinking to yourself, mainly

Don & I after riding forever in the rain…March 2012

because conversations with the driver are both distracting and open to interpretation of what he actually hears, which can be almost nothing I’m shouting at him. I find it is better to just converse with him when we stop, and just let him drive in peace with his own thoughts.

My thoughts turned to a friend of mine who recently told me that she and her husband had never, ever even once had an argument, and they’ve been together for 4 years. I tried to imagine never having argued with Don, my DH, and it completely alludes me. We don’t argue much these days, but over the 20+ years, we’ve had some spectacular fights. Most of them I couldn’t even begin to tell you what they were about, but I can tell you that had you been a fly on the wall, they would have been impressive….purely for the dramatics of the whole thing.

Don is a passionate Italian/Mexican American Guy, and I’m Irish/Italian American Girl, (and that is Sicilian Italian, thank you very much), so when we get into it, no one is backing down. Compromise over the years has been something that we’ve had to learn, not something that came naturally at all. Even to this day, we have to agree to disagree on some subjects, because no one is conceding defeat. It is what it is….

My Better Half….

While we were enjoying a much needed lunch together, I asked Don if he wished we never fought with each other, or that we’d never disagree. I told him about my friend, and what she had said about her relationship. Good ole Don. He didn’t even hesitate.

“No, Bird. I like that you won’t back down easily. You’ve maintained your own identity, and you let me have mine. We may fight, but we always make up, and something about that makes me love you all the more. Sometimes, I like having to earn your respect, even now. We’ve been able to stay individuals. I think that is good for people like me and you.”

It was a nice compliment for me, and I thought I’d pass it along here. It is okay to be passionate, even in disagreements, as long as forgiveness is forthcoming and quick. There are times I make Don nuts, and other times he makes me insane, but he isn’t boring, that’s for sure.

Just a little thought I had….

— Bird


37 responses to “My Thoughts on Marital Arguments”

  1. Bird, that is an awesome post. One of my friends once said that if both of you were the same, one of you would be unnecessary! Chris and I had some epic battles, but that was what was part of what made us such a great team. And when it comes down to it, you know you have each other’s back.

    Much love,



        • I like it! And it’s true, I hear. I always blame my bad behaviors on my genetic backgrounds — usually the Italian side. However, it is my Irish father that was the Wild One in this family. I don’t know why he got a pass in my head…. And I am a horrible…but fun…drinker!


            • lol. I just survived our little stint to Austin…It rained and rained and rained….I thought we were going to drown. Then, my husbands bandana fell over his eyes and we almost got hit by a bunch of semis and cars. Terrifying. I’m going to have to recover emotionally before I can make another long trip.. 😉


  2. I think its really great to have people who can acknowledge and appreciate your differences in life. I have many friends who say to me, why on earth do you hang out with certain people? I try to explain, but more often than not, they don’t feel they have anything in common, so my friends end up loathing each others company or avoiding each other when they are together in my company.

    But I like them all for who they are. Maintaining Individuality is important in healthy relationships and I really appreciate you sharing this post.

    It’s a wonderful example. 🙂 I’m very happy for you.


    • My first instinct would be that they are actually jealous of you having other friends. I would know. I used to get all kinds of jealous over my best friend Audra when she would make other friends, and I would constantly look for reasons to discourage her from having them…I was a young moron. Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate it!


  3. Yea there has definitely been more than a few moments of jealousy, which called for some serious time outs until I made it clear the shit had to stop. It wasn’t necessary to begin with. Thankfully some people chill out as they grow up. 🙂


  4. I love your post my dear. My DH and I have had some knock down, drag outs over the last 23 years. We respect each other though because we stand our ground. I love the fact that I don’t have to conform to his beliefs and he doesn’t have to conform to mine. I can’t imagine not having a voice or opinion in my relationship. It would make for a very bleak life. I’m passionate and my husband wouldn’t have it any other way.


    • Don’t you feel like you’ve cleared the air after those? It is like cleaning out an infected wound…sometimes it hurts, but it’ll hurt a lot more if you ignore it.
      God bless the Passionate People! Congrats on making it 23 years…don’t see that a lot anymore!


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