At the suggestion of a fellow blogger, I spent some considerable time yesterday night, when the rest of the world was sleeping, to check out other writers who were addressing their issues with hyper-vigilance, and other PTSD and anxiety disorders. As usual, I became overly focused, and after approximately four hours of reading stories of pain, suffering, and healing, I have to admit it all made me rather sad.
No matter what you’ve gone through in your life, there is always someone else who has had it worse. I didn’t
comment on most of the stories, and as you have all figured out about me now, I can usually always find something to say. But, when it comes to the intense personal pain so many fellow humans were writing about, I was at a loss. I tend to hide somewhat behind humor, and there was nothing to hide behind when I was reading those broken people’s pain.
The exploration down the road of hyper-vigilance last night was a good one for me. It made me appreciate that I had a God, and I knew how to go running to Him. He turned my tears into laughter, literally. I’ll always be thankful for that. Maybe even more so today. The anger that most victims have every earthly right to feel about how unjust this treatment had been to them, had been dissipated in me. Even while reading similar stories as mine, the anger never reappeared. It is truly just..gone.
I have my bouts with depression, but they usually don’t last long, and I will have the occasional panic attack after something freaks me out. And of course, my brain is ever-vigilant to keep all that is around me safe from danger. As afflictions go, I got it pretty easy.
So, today, I am going to be appreciative again for the way my life has turned out. I’m going to say a prayer or two for some of the people whose stories hurt my heart. And then I’m going to focus on other things….
And I am only reading sites dedicated to pictures of baby kittens…. 🙂